2014-10-29 16:48:12 (UTC)

Calming Things

THE FOLLOWING THINGS APPLY ONLY TO CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS. If you are a random stranger, unless you're a nurse, you probably shouldn't do these things. If I'm not comfortable with you, don't do this. Even if you're my mother, don't do some of these things! I only like touching my parents when I'm happy. Okay.


First, figure out if that's what is happening. It will look like this: I will be panting, hyperventilating. I will probably be ugly crying. My body will be shaking. I won't be able to reply to your questions and if I can, it will probably sound like, "I'm..... oh....kay." The periods are heaving breaths. Ask me if my hands are numb. Yes means I'm probably having a panic attack. I'll probably be curling up into a little ball. Maybe rocking back and forth. I will NOT make eye contact with you. I can't stand to watch you watch me fall apart. I will probably be moving too much, jiggling my feet, twiddling my thumbs, pacing, the works. If I can, I will hide my face. Keep in mind that I am incredibly ashamed if this is happening. Keep in mind that I feel like I am a failure for crying and do not try to ask me what is wrong. I won't tell you. It was probably not that big of a deal but most likely I was already incredibly anxious and the event pushed me over the edge. If I am unfriendly or mean, I am just trying to push you away. Take your chance to leave if you don't want to see it, but if you want to help, please ignore the things I say or the attitude I have towards you.

1. Get me juice. This applies to anyone who wants to help me, even my mom. Preferable apple juice, but any other kind is fine, too. Ice would also be nice but is not needed. A nurse got me juice a couple times during a panic attack and it gave me a different focus. I think the first time I had a panic attack, I drank apple juice trying to feel better and that is why I prefer it. Also, apple juice is my favorite kind of juice, so...

2. This also applies to anyone. Tell me it's not my fault and tell me I am not being ridiculous. I will not believe you but say it anyway. The thing is, if you say that I shouldn't be freaking out, I WILL believe you. I will hate myself for being weak so avoid that. Just tell me things will be okay.

3. If you can, put on a movie. It especially works if it's one of my favorite movies (Donnie Darko, Clueless, Kings of Summer, Pulp Fiction...).

4. This also applies to anyone. Turn off the lights. It horrifies me that you can see my face as I am crying. Make the lighting dim. It'll give me one less thing to stress over and I will be more comfortable in the darkness.

5. Ask me stupid questions. Look up paradoxes. Tell me a cheesy joke. Tell me the story of your life. Tell me of a time when you felt the way I do at that moment. Please, just do something so distract me. Make me feel like I'm not the only one accidentally baring my soul.

6. Hold my hand. Don't do this if you're not my friend, please. Holding hands for me is very intimate I guess. It's something I reserve for people my age whom I really love. I'd probably let Lily or Laney hold my hand. Just put your hand on mine but don't keep it there for more than a couple minutes. I'm very particular.

7. Draw shapes on my skin with your finger. This sounds weird but once a nurse used her finger to draw circles on my spine and I got kind of uncomfortable but combined with the questions about my life, it really relaxed me. This is another thing that is kind of intimate. It's reserved for close friends. Rub my hand with your thumb or draw circles into my skin, I don't care, it calms me down.

8. Give me a mint, like an Altoid. I read somewhere that mints relax you which is why I always take them with me when I go to school to take exams at the end of the year. I'm rarely nervous for testing but they still help me jiggle less.

9. If available, let me change my clothes. Like, let me change into sweatpants or something.

10. Finally, if I'm not calming down, it's probably best to leave me alone for awhile. Put me in a quiet room with a blanket but DO NOT let me stew in my own thoughts. Make me watch TV or something.


I don't know if this stuff works when other people are having a panic attack. Also, what was the point of me writing this down? No one I know reads this. I guess it's just nice to know what I need when I need it. The only issue is I usually can't comfort myself when I'm panicking because I can barely move (THIS IS BECAUSE I FORGET HOW TO BREATHE, YAYYY).

Um... I feel a little better. I'm still pretty sad but I'm remembering the people (mainly Caroline) who have helped me calm down when I'm about to lose it and it makes me feel better.

I remember I had a panic attack in Mr. Sandwich's room last year *shudders* that was horrifically embarrassing. He's pretending not to remember, though, so that's nice.



I love Lily, she's so nice to me!!! Also, she's kinda creepy towards me but it's an affectionate kind of creepy that I wouldn't trade for the world. SERIOUSLY, I LOVE HER CREEPINESS. IT MAKES ME FEEL LESS WEIRD.

I also love Laney, she's such a strange mixture of sweet-ness and asshole-ness.

I love Aaron, too, but more the memory of her than the current person she is. I don't really know who is she right now, but I kind of miss her. I sure as hell don't miss her passive aggressive but we were friends for a reason.

Sorry, I'm not deep today.

Aww, I was just staring creepily at my dad and he said, "You have beautiful eyes, I love it when you stare at me!"

Wow, thanks, Dad.

Okay, I really should go, I have a lot of homework.

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