Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2014-10-29 01:54:57 (UTC)

Cluttered thoughts

I think i've come to the point in my life that I can let go of my social worries. There comes a point when following the crowd, not wanting to take any risks really gets scary... I'm 21 years old and I feel like I'm starting to get into that "no nothing" rut, I can live this way for the rest of my life!

I think i'm starting to realize that generally people don't give a fuck about you (excuse my language - this is for me). People REALLY don't care; so stop thinking people are constantly judging you, just stop wasting your precious time trying to impress people (excluding potential work partners who actively look at you of course, - actually... even they just want what's best for their company).

It's all about the people around you. I've started changing the way I talk, instead of saying "I did x," or "oh yeah, that reminds me of when I went down to Florida", I've started to think more about the individual who I'm talking to. Like, Why did she say that? Does she care deeply about it? Etc... I think this way of thinking is going to change my life, I'm already seeing results. I was talking to this girl about exotic food the she's eaten, I remember she was saying she ate guinea pig, even though I had actually had it and i really wanted to say I had, i decided to just let it go, instead i asked her how it tasted and how it was served. I figured if she asked about my experience I could tell her but there was no reason for me to talk about myself.

I think people eventually start getting curious about you after you first genuinely look at them. For some people this happens earlier than others, the girl i mentioned was a bit more big headed and didn't care about me at all lol, she never asked about anything I did, so i clearly hadn't affected her. I think that if people don't actively ask about you then it's clear that they really aren't interested in you.

Another thing. Most people will constantly think about themselves, like, how I'm feeling, what i'm going to do tomorrow, what I need to do right now, etc... that's why diaries were so easy for me. I actually feel like I'm writing this diary for others... not me... hmm... this may defeat the purpose of this diary...

well anyway, you SHOULD be thinking about others; as much as possible, be thinking about what your friend said, or something somebody mentioned... that way next time you meet you can chat about it; it really impresses people if you can remember all of these little things.

I still feel like i'm a bit socially awkward. There was this girl who I saw when i was walking through campus, i knew her and she was pretty friendly from past experiences. I remember going up to her and getting into a conversation; I guess I really didn't have much to say and it was a bit dull i guess, but I tried... and that's all the matters, I got to learn a bit about her; she broke her arm from a past fencing tournament, I remember her being more concerned about the clubs new sword that she could have damaged than her arm... Idk what that means... maybe she was just trying to think of something to say.... idk, well maybe i can tease her about it later?

These are things that I should have learned when i was in high-school. *sigh* I'm getting old. I'm in my senior year in college... what am i going to do???? How am I going to make friends? Are there going to be people my age??? I'm actually planning on going to graduate school so i'm going to be basically the only white guy in my entire class probably. I was looking at different graduate schools in physics and almost all of the students are asian, sometimes there's like one odd white guy, but other than that... their all asian/indian. (btw, I have nothing against other races, it'll just be hard for me to make friends with someone of a completelly different cultural background, i guess it could be fun!).


Okay so I don't think i care anymore if my friends or people i know find this diary... I don't think they would care to read it, even if they did they'd probably understand everything I'm writing. I guess there's some personal stuff so I'd probably still not like it, but I think I would care less. I guess i'm just maturing maybe? idk


This game...

So last weekend I went up to this fencing tournament (not the one that the girl broke her arm at) and our fencing club spent the night at this place, we ended up playing this awesome game, just cause it's on my mind I'll try to explain it the best I can, that way, maybe in the future if i end up reading this I'll remember it.

So, each person gets some paper and writes 6 questions that start with who, what, when, where, why and how (with extra space between each question). Next, the papers are collected and redistributed making sure none of the papers are their own. Then, they fill out an answer to the question. The papers are then redistributed again. Then one person starts by reading their first question for "Who" the next person in the circle answers the question using the answer for their "who" question. Then they read their question, then the second person in the circle answers with their question for "who" this goes around the circle until all of the questions are answered.

But anyway, it was a really fun game, especially when you get really creative.




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