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2014-10-27 11:28:19 (UTC)

Sleepless nights.

I try and try and try to sleep each night. I lay in my bed for hours staring blankly at the ceiling and thinking. Thinking is seriously my worst enemy. Then, I start to think about how I want to clear my mind, but, thats a thought, isn't it? I cant catch a break!

There has been a lot going on in my world lately, and if anyone knows me well enough, they know that I cannot deal with a lot at the same time. I shut down, become stressed and make myself sick. This is how i have been feeling for the last couple of weeks but today I had the exam i have been worrying about so hopefully, just hopefully i can calm down for a little... (even though i still have more exams coming up, uni life is hard).

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary with the boy i caught with another girl ... how do i feel about this? Confused.
It's just...just.
There are no words and i don't know what to do. Im in a space and i feel alone. Like i could just disappear at any second and no one would even notice that i was gone. I know, i know, thats a depressing thought, but hey, this is how i feel.

Truth is, i am tired! Im tired of a lot of things. Im tired because i cant sleep at night and when i finally fall asleep, i wake up early.
Im tired of people using me, then being defensive when i figure them out.
Im tired of my parents fighting, being here is so ... unstable.
Im tired of not being able to be my true self to anyone, anywhere.

Has anyone ever felt like they just don't know who they are anymore?
Has anyone ever felt themselves asking themselves "who am I"? I know this question sounds.. stupid and i found myself asking it a lot when i was much younger in primary school... I mean i know who i am literally, but i need to know how i am who i am. I know, i am confusing to most people. But this is me. Im tired of being someone people WANT me to be. I just want to be me.

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