"Long Gone" by Mary Epworth
The road has gone away
And I cannot rise above it
October 23, 2014 Thursday (WOOT NO SCHOOL TOMORROW) 9:02 PM
I always imagine myself writing vague things that make readers question their lives or something but I always end up writing down long trains of thoughts, hoping to fix myself with an abundance of words.
I went to Peer Leadership today and I felt SO happy but now I'm alone and quite hollow inside. You know, I haven't had that problem; usually I'm better than okay hanging out with myself. I love thinking and learning and doing art and I don't even need to be awkward with myself.
I dunno, though. I enjoyed being around people and I "got up the nerve" to finally do a demo.
1) A demo is like a session (which is basically like having an unlicensed therapist who is your age and then being there therapist as well, does that make sense?) but in front of EVERYONE who is at that meeting.
2) I put "got up the nerve" in quotations because I felt good and devoid of any anxiety so, hey, it didn't take any courage at all. It took the thoughts, "Okay, do I REALLY feel like listening to someone else at this moment?" (no) and "Fuck it" (ok).
Sooo Myra is going to bring Depressed-Hispanic-Kid (her boyfriend) to Peer Leadership and I'm bringing Lily.
I wish I was still at Peer Leadership. I HAVE SO MUCH TO GET OFF MY CHEST, OH MY GOD.
but food in the other room....
but... food.... good food.
I am a peripheral person. I am friends with people who have other friends. They see me around and maybe every once in a while, someone tells them about me or something I said. But they don't know me. I am this vague personality pieced together through stories and appearance.
Depressed-Hispanic-Kid is like, a giant peripheral person. I swear, last year he was everywhere. Everyone except me knew him and talked about him and it was just super weird okay???
Alright. Alright sorry this was short and stuff but I can only think about my food in the other room and how tired I am and how nauseas I am all the time and how I feel really ugly and DAMN i am thinking a lot.
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