Zubicu

Zubicu's place
2014-10-18 13:15:49 (UTC)

Entry seventy-five

No matter what I do, none of it ever seems worth it.
I can put in all the effort in the world and it'll get completely ignored until I get upset, and then people will notice me.
They have no idea how tempting it is for me to scream.
If I were to take a day off, nobody would really notice.
Alfie and George might, sure, but who else would, really?
Nobody at Air Cadets, certainly.
My Skype friends probably wouldn't give two shits, either.

To be honest, if I were to disappear, Alfie and George would only be the two people really affected by it. They are the only two people stopping me from doing just that, and what happens when they leave? I'll have nothing. Goddammit, I'm too loyal. I get too attached too easily.
I mean, I know they say they'll never leave, but...hell, everyone does at some point.
But why do I always end up the one hurt by it all?! For once, can't someone else be hurt instead of me?! Is it THAT hard for people to take the blame?!

No...I shouldn't wish that upon people. It's always easier for me to take the pain and it eases off a little knowing that the other party isn't hurt. Of course, that's why I'm always so depressed.

Each morning, it's a simple routine; practice your smile, promise to laugh, ask a simple "How are you?" and reply with a "Good, you?" as always. Make sure you look good and the arms are covered, think up the usual lies.




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