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2014-10-17 14:18:12 (UTC)

Things have finally calmed in..

Things have finally calmed in the house. All the fighting had left me in absolute despair. My counselor wanted me out if the house for a few days and I was willing to do that if the fighting started again. Right now it's calm, I hope we can stay calm for a while, I need to be able to get myself back together and get some strength back. This has gone on for far to many years and it has taken a toll on me and my spirit. I don't know what it is that holds me here. Do I love him yes, is he generally a good man yes. But the head games and manipulation and the fact that I have to stuff and give up who I am to be with him kills me inside. But then thinking of being without him kills me- it's such a mess, and past of the mess I have made myself and part he has made. I'm just wore out. Right now I will take this truce and enjoy any peace and pretend the fighting won't come back.

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