LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2014-10-13 12:02:24 (UTC)

Spontaneous Combustion


"I Miss You" by Blink-182 [I just remembered how beautiful this song was]

Don't waste your time on me
You're already the voice inside my head

October 13 (which is basically halloween but the numbers got confused and switched places) 2014 Monday 12:05 PM


TODAY I AM GOING TO LANEY'S HOUSE.

I am in a really good mood, since Friday actually, and it feels wonderful.

People are so nice to me! People are insanely nice to me. I was never really bullied or anything and I'm treated with respect. I get complimented by people and even though a lot of the time I seem very frigid (sorry, I'm just scared of social encounters and I figure that you will eventually grow tired of me and if that is inevitable, why bother trying?) I really love anyone who approaches me.

I think I am going to work on seeming more friendly. To be honest, I am very friendly but not at first. At first, I'll probably give you weird looks and I won't say a lot to you but that's usually for the above reasons (you'll eventually realize I am a hassle and not worth such struggle. oh wow, depressing).

I regret not having conversations with people that I could've had. Eh, whatever I don't feel like dwelling or anything.

WORK ON:

-being more friendly
-sustaining this good mood fOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ok (or until I learn how to have bad moods that don't spiral out of control. Do you see? I'm a hassle)

I didn't get to sleep until three in the morning last night. I WAS LYING IN BED AWAKE FOR FOUR HOURS. Eventually, I took of my socks and pants and just kinda rolled around, searching for a comfortable position.

I accidentally drank black tea at like 8 PM so maybe that's why I couldn't sleep.

I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE, THOUGH. ALL YOU NICE PEOPLE WHO SAY NICE THINGS TO ME, I LOVE YOU. I will make beautiful things for the world so you will understand. I will cover plain pieces of paper with trails of graphite. I will make something you want to stare at. That sounds kind of creepy.

Okay, I worry a little that I'm kinda clingy??? It's kind of hard to hold back how MUCH I LOVE EVERY INDIVIDUAL (ok not every individual. Assholes who hate the world like Sam are not on my list. Yeah, she's my "friend" but she's racist and she pisses me of and I never, ever want to meet another human being like her ever again) AND SO yeah.

Sorry. I'm scattered and I oughtta get ready to go to Laney's. I GET TO PLAY WITH HER PUPPY, YES. WHY IS THE WORLD SO NICE TO ME TODAY????

I am so happy, I might explode.


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