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2014-10-10 16:08:50 (UTC)

Soap Opera

"Absentee" by Jack Campbell & The Skeleton Keys

"The Ice Is Getting Thinner" by DCFC

We're not the same, dear, as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
There was little we could say, and even less we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you

October 10, 2014 Friday 4:13 PM

Sometimes I feel like everyone else's lives are a soap opera and I'm the one sitting on the couch at noon, pretending not to care about what's happening on TV when really, I'm super absorbed in the terribly cheesy plot.

I guess today was a good day but now it's hard to remember because I don't feel good. Like, I've felt gross all day and I've been super awkward (as usual) but at least I socialized and stuff. Like, I had actual conversations and I got complimented on my drawing.

Also, I've been asked a couple times if John Dies At The End is good and sometimes, I'm asked what it's about and it's really hard to explain and... um, yeah.

So it's a three day weekend and part of me is all, "Woot! More sleep!" but then, I'm also like, "Oh, fuck, I have no life."

Sooo it's gonna be a sad weekend. I am alone and I have nowhere to go. I don't want to stay in PJ's all weekend and play minecraft, though. I'm bored.

There is a hole that the sadness left behind when it evaporated and now I'm all alone and empty and I really, REALLY need to make my life more interesting.


This is the scenario of the next time I fall into a slump: It might be night time. I will be alone. It will be on a weekend or on vacation. I will be bored. No one will have texted me back. I will think too much. I will remember all the terrible things I did. It's downhill from there.

Okay, so, this weekend is kind of similar to this scenario so I'm a bit worried seeing as how I've only felt okay for like five days. Scratch that: four. I think I was sad for like three weeks but my emotions blend together and it's difficult for me to see where one ends and the other begins.

I know I was kinda depressed for most of the summer.


Wait. I realized for the first time today that I could probably be an artist. I am getting really good at realistic drawings and I'm learning pen and ink. I can't wait because then I can do illustrations and that IS SO MUCH FUN. I plan on doing realistic close ups of body parts or just people's bodies (which I have already done) and, I dunno, illustration wise, I like doing creepy things.

I only just realized this because once, my sister (talking about photography) said, "I'm worried about going into art because I don't want to end up being a starving artist living on the streets."

Since then, I've always avoided thinking of art as a possible future for myself. Even now, I'm unsure about art as a career choice.

That's okay, though. I have time. I FEEL PRETTY RELAXED, CAN YOU TELL?