Porky Pieman

Pies, Puns and Filthy Thoughts (18 )
2014-10-09 18:28:30 (UTC)

Tips for Men

After the underwhelming success of my tip for unhappy men I thought it would only be fair to share a few general tips that may come in handy.

1. If your beloved has a twin sister, whenever an argument gets around to family matters, as they often do, Do Not call her sister an ugly bitch.

2. Never keep a photo of your beloved in your wallet or on your phone, your wife or girlfriend might see it.

3. Try and marry/get a girlfriend with small palms, it makes your todger look bigger.

4.All men will have heard this at some time, “You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said have you?”
Simply turn it back on them by retorting, "Do you always have to start a conversation with that sentence?"

5. Never marry a nymphomaniac, after a while the nympho goes, the maniac stays.

6. If the love of your life asks you the dreaded question "Does my bum look big in this" when getting dressed for a night out.
Avoid the issue and earn yourself some nooky credits by pointing to your crotch and saying "not as big as looking at your bum makes this", if for some reason you are a tad excited, drop your pants and show her, your night might get off to a great start with a quick bang.

7. No doubt at some point you'll get the "Women are multi taskers" thrown at you, turn defeat into victory with "I'm a better multi tasker, I can fart, burp, pick my nose, scratch my nuts, stare at your tits and think about shagging your best mate, all at the same time"




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