My Dearest Diary,
they say that it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I do not believe this at all. I would have rather never have loved then to love at all. the pain that loves causes when it is ended or when you find out that the other never loved you at all. it really sucks to fall in love. to pain is unexplainable and is not quick to stop. you try to keep your mind off things and keep your mind busy working or something else so you are not thinking about the one that you are so in love with and are crushed by. I can't believe I jumped in with both feet and didn't even think about it. all I wanted was to have him love me like he once did, and or just love me. I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. I tried and tried and tried. apparently it was not good enough. no matter what it just was not good enough. I am so tired of giving my all when it comes to love that I just give up. I am too old for this shit. guess my mom was right, I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. guess I better get use to it. I will not allow myself to fall in love again. it is not worth the pain.