Confused

Do I have no more emotion
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2014-09-22 03:50:21 (UTC)

how does marriage feel?

As I was growing I always wanted to feel the feeling of love, and the feeling of marrying the person you fell in love with, and build a happy family with him. I found the person my heart fell in love with, so I had thought, he was the person ive been looking for he made me laugh and he laughed at the dumb things i did. We fell in love with eachother fast, and I had gotten pregnant. Then of course got married by the court. As i was 5/6 month pregnant i was beging to see a person i told myself i would not marry a person that puts his famly second and drinks. becasue that is how i seen my father as i was growing up as a child. I stayed quite as i watch this man called my husband stay out late with his friends and pick him up at the bars and drive his friends home drunk. never did i imagine this to be happing in my life, i wanted him to be next to me and rub my belly and talk to our baby but not once did i ever see that. instead he would laugh at me. on how i was gaining weight and laughing on my cravings. yeh, it made me feel sad and mad at the same time. I would tell him how bad and how i was feeing, because he would get mad and i didnt want to see that. then comes my due date. i was nervious i admit he was their at the birth of my child and he did stay the night in my bed while i was at the hospita, and i felt oved by him, and remembered why i had fellen in love with him. then comes time to take my princess home, i was happy then confused only because i was feeling all sorts of ways. as we arrived home he had all his friends at out home already starting to drink, i remember telling myself if they are going to leave so my husband and our baby can bond. instead i hear " we are going to the bar to celebrate." i was sad because i needed him to stay home with us. instead it was his mother. as years pass i finally found a voice to speak up, all the years that i kept shut and being stepped over where over. but, that didnt make anything easy. he stills as i see it puts his friends 1st and other family. and i feeli like he puts my daughter and i 2nd and that kills me. he is currently living in AZ because hes working their and has family thier to help him start his carrer. we stayed behind so i can finsh school. that just makes our marriage worse. i feel like im at the oint of calling it quites. im tired of tellig how he should be a father and husband. I have nothing left in me anymore. to go almost until the end of the day to talk to your daughter and just have short conversation and say good night is very sad to me. i see ow he goes out his way to attend to his cousins kids and when he was living here he got bothered to do anything with my daughter. i had to yell at him and tell him how he needs to spend time with his daughter. im done having to force my daughter to talk to him. my daughter doesnt know what a father is as i dont know what a husband is.


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