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2014-09-19 15:42:42 (UTC)


"I Already Forgot Everything You Said," by The Dig [haha I'm totally DIGging this band right now haha I TOLD YOU MY JOKES WERE BAD]

September 19, 2014 Friday 3:44 PM

Warning: I will be saying "really nice" a LOT in this entry.


Okay, actually, I'd probably be pissed. I mean, yes, I am depressed and half the time I am wishing to be dead, but who's decision is that? Not yours, motherfucker.


Every other day this week has been good, aside from the regular breakdowns, HAHA. I have been pretty social and not as awkward (I'm also trying to make my awkwardness work for me *clicks tongue and winks at you whilst tripping over self*) for one thing.

I felt so bad after arriving at school but then, GUESS WHAT??? I got to talk to J!!! That was really nice. I love talking to J. He's never boring. We don't talk much anymore. That makes me pretty sad. BUT HEY, I'M NOT SAD TODAY. TAKE THAT, FUCKING BRAIN CHEMISTRY.

And then, oh my god, I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm annoyingly repetitive when I'm depressed and then I get WAYYY too excited when I finally feel good again outside of school.

I got smiled at a lot today and I smiled back. I was walking past Meekah, who I don't see a lot anymore, and we clasped hands really quickly. THAT WAS REALLY NICE. I'm glad last year I worked on my fear of touching people in slightly intimate ways. Fuck, I have so many issues.

OKAY: time for boring but good news (I think my IQ has gone down due to my excitement)

1. depressed-hispanic-kid (is he still depressed? I dunno) smiled at me and said hi today which was really nice. I'm only worried that he didn't see me smile back. I also couldn't say hello back because I was so surprised that he said hi to me. I am praying I didn't come across as aloof. Or more accurately, a bitch.

NOTE: his lips are really fucking red. Don't get me wrong, the color is very nice. I like it.

2. I remembered that yesterday, my ceramics teacher (we'll call him Mr. Sandwich because his name is actually a food similar to a sandwich. He's friends with my sister and Ethan. That's how I know he must be strange) was printing something out for me. I noticed his mouse pad looked like a carpet and he said it was from The Big Lebowski WHICH IS ON MY FAVORITE MOVIE'S LIST BECAUSE IT IS SO GOOD AND wow. It makes sense because Ethan made us watch that movie in the first place.

3. I smiled at a guy on the way home. I don't know who he is but it felt nice that he smiled back.

4. This one time, last year, a guy in my study hall came up to me and tried having a conversation but I was like, "Why are you talking to me?"

I LITERALLY MEANT WHAT IS SO INTERESTING ABOUT ME, WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO TRY AND TALK WITH MY LIL UGLY, AWKWARD SELF but... I mean, it sounded bitchy and people laughed like I was being bitchy. Shit?..

ANYWAY, so he's in my art class this year and I feel bad because we talked briefly yesterday and today. He's really nice and obviously has good taste because he went to the Twenty One Pilots concert.

5. HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN SOCIALIZING? Normally, any conversations that are initiated with me, I immediately brush off but today I just let that shit happen.

6. I have lost a few pounds and my legs don't appear as terribly large!!

7. I made FRIENDS. Well, acquaintances.

8. This is what made my entire day better, though. I finally got to walk home with J, like GODDAMN, TWO WEEKS IS TOO LONG. Especially since I've been without headphones for a while and, god, it's just too boring for me to stand.

It made me feel much better. I kinda hope he didn't notice how much I was smiling, because that probably looked ridiculous but I don't really care.

So of all things we talked about a witch's third nipple. He said he was at school at 5 AM for a band thing and apparently it was "colder than a witch's third nipple" WHICH (or should I say WITCH hahaha get it) I JUST HAD TO BOTHER HIM ABOUT. WHY A WITCH? WHY A THIRD NIPPLE? WHERE IS THAT THIRD NIPPLE LOCATED? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ALL WITCHES ARE COLD?

I hope we get to walk together more often because I just want to be his friend. Jeez, I sound so lame.

Okay, so all that was nice but now I'm tired of talking.

So good afternoon, everyone. MY MOM GOT ME FOOD, DEFINITELY LEAVING NOW, OKAY.


me and my dad got along well this morning. I like when that happens because we fight sometimes and that usually makes me mad for the rest of the day.

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