Vanilla

lying next to me.

I am laying in his bed right now....the dr that is. And dammit I am falling for him. I know this will leave me open to be hurt now but either way I will get hurt anyway weather I pursue him or not. I don't know how to tell Dan...he's too..into Me and I'm into dr. I don't know how to just tell him it can't happen because I don't want to hurt him. I have no explanation. Yes Dan is extremely rich...but that's not enough...he isn't dr. Who knows what will happen next. I can end up with nothing. Life is so much fun. I am consumed by thoughts. Wtf is wrong with me...I'm thinking too far ahead...I was so cool in the beginning but it's like I just fell into him...I cannot wait to start work because I need a break from my thinking of him....Lord this isn't going to end well...why can't I have normal worries ? Why can't I actually not worry about the future and if this does go somewhere...What do I tell him? I can't tell him all this stuff...It's hard enough trying to hide it...I remember telling m ...m didn't understand in fact his opinion of me changed and he used it agains me...I am sort of honest with dr ish..Well I hint little things..or I'm thinking for no reason and he could just never bother again....man that will hurt but I will get over it...like I do everything...I'm also hungry...starving...I cannot sleep. ..he looks so cute sleeping....fuck stop it!! Snap the he'll out of it...people keep telling me I can do better...no I can't..he bloody is better he is stable, he isn't a player, he would treat Me right, he would understand me, he is capable of loving a little bit..more than m anyway...he is simply amazing so far...How can people be so blind..how can they base it on looks...he's not even ugly...and to me well I'm very attracted to him...it pisses me of when people say that.