Phillip Wilson

Amazingly, I survived my Life
2011-09-27 00:00:02 (UTC)

1996 REVIEW (PART TWO)

10-11 February (Saturday-Sunday), Tallahassee/Monticello, FL (continues)

The president of the Bare Devils, a Paul, took me via automobile, to the retreat. Private land it may be, but the grounds is in sight of I-10, and can be trespassed by the Public. Neither of which bothers me.
My first official, welcomed, legal Nude Session en mass! If my finances improve, I may join the group. For Ball-juggling - no pun intended - I was overdressed: A Jock Strap for protection, a Sweat Shirt as a counter against the Chill.
The retreat is like being here at home. The obvious difference being that I can be open with my nakedness.

12 February (Monday), Tallahassee, FL

Further proof of the value of a college degree;
Little did I know that the ‘drive’ to get it would be followed by a steep downhill road, with the brakes on my vehicle out of commission;
When I asked the gods if I could study Reality (Humanities), I didn’t mean experience Reality at first hand!
In this Presidential election year, one of the major campaign issues has engulfed me. I can discussed the effect it had on me;
Food Stamp. Public Assistance. Your federal taxes at work.
February 12, 1996; each month I am elgible for $119.00 in vouchers. However, being that this month is nearly half-over, my association with Month II is only supported be $91 in Food Stamps.
I also live rent-free, thanks to the hard-working citizens of this country.
I wanted a patron: I finally got one!
Once every 2-3 days I can re-stock my pantry: Late this afternoon, I made my first-ever exchange of $12.15 of food for vouchers.
I have no cash - only the change from a Food Stamp purchase. But I can at least eat: Laundry will have to be delayed for an indefinite time. Of course I could really experience a ‘primitive lifestyle’ and make use of Campbell Pond - right outside my door - as a Washing Machine!
How low can you go? A Limbo Dancer would be estatic to get as low as I have gotten!
Monday; have I yet reached my lowest point in Tallahassee, FL? Does the road never rise again? Or will I crash?
Cold was once again allowed to ravish us, although only under supervision. It appears that Ninety-six was double-crossed one too many times in January to allow Cold a free-range. An uncomfortable chill, an inconvenient wind; but clearness and Phoebus were on hand as chaperons, and any Misconduct by Winter was immediately modified.
A Ball session: My community service. Another non-paid appearance this weekend. Not everyone on Public Assistance is a deadbeat who sits on his ass instead of trying for gainful employment!

13 February (Tuesday), Tallahassee, FL

(About 6:30 P.M.) Work through Adia (Temporary) Employment Services? It could happen. In an effort to ‘enhance’ its reputation, Adia just may come through with one or more job assignments.
I made application with the agency this morning. Imagine: The telephone in this apartment could be ‘turned on’! And I could begin applying cash payments for the services I enjoy.
Chilly this morning; Ninety-six asserted Itself this afternoon and stood up to Winter. Ninety-six won the Stare-off: a warm period was established, allowing for a Club-session.
Through it all, Phoebus, showing no favoritism, was bright and forthcoming.
I am taking advantage of the Eating Orgy that Food Stamps made available to me: Although we all know honesty is not the best policy, I will do the right thing and report, if and when I ever connect with employment.

14 February (Wednesday), Tallahassee, FL

According to the Public Policy of Adia - Of course, it is a private business, one that makes money from the Flesh Trade! - anybody who signs up for work with it is kept busy. I don't trust this policy. And with the Safety Net of Food Stamps to fall back on, I can afford to be independent, not stressing-out due to the capicous nature of a Job Connection.
I now understand why people on Public Assistance are reluctant to ‘withdraw’: Work, per se, is not hated. It’s the broken promises, the loss of self-esteem, the indignities one must accept in order to become the frontrunner in the fierce competition for jobs.
Sure, I am anxious for employment; but Public Assistance helps to face the fact that my qualifications are being overlooked, and my ‘grovelling’ hasn’t been ‘strong’ enough to get me a job.

(acerca 12:23 P.M.) Today is Valentine’s Day. I didn’t associate the Love Day with the fourteenth of February 1996 until I kept hearing hints from a public radio broadcast I was listening to while undergoing Club practice. Of course, I have no lover, so what difference does it make if today is that Special Day, or just another Wednesday.
Spring has once again began to flirt with Ninety-six. A chilly early morning, Tallahassee, FL, has been honored with abundant sunshine, clearness, and warmth. The forces of Upper-70-degrees (F) have the city surrounded.
A Can Quest earlier, resulting in 3-4 pounds. A pound of empty aluminum cans is an awful lot of cans!

15 February (Thursday), Tallahassee, FL

For some reason Zephyr has formed an alliance with Cold: One can always expect Winters Worse Behavior to follow an exhausting Dance Display by Wind. The fifteenth of February 1996 was a warm Thursday - even though it took a soaking by Rain.
An elderly woman gave me a dollar soon after I began a Club session in Ponce de Leon Park early this afternoon. Since I have no access to cash, any tips for my juggling, along with the ‘profit’ from Cans sales, will have to suffice for incidentals.
Genetic cigarettes cost $1.06 a pack; about every day and a half I buy a 20-fag set. Given my fixed income, priorities have to be established. The smoking-habit might possibly have to be given up. Which, no doubt, would be the best thing for me.
Why am I still in Tallahassee, FL? Obviously life here will always be a struggle. Surely there is a place most hospitable! Please let me know when you find out!!

16 February (Friday), Tallahassee, FL

Everyday presents a challenge just to survive: Is that what life suppose to be? Should “the gift from God” come with a steep price?
Or is hardship nothing out of the ordinary, only a matter of course? I sure am having my share of it!
A shopping cart and a half of aluminum cans brought me $3.75. Food Stamps, a Can Man: How basic a lifestyle can one have?
Winter is being, once again, Cross-eramed by Ninety-five; a chilly Friday in Tallahassee, FL, on this sixteenth of February 1996. Although the morning is still at the Podium, Phoebus is in the Spectator’s Gallery. A clear, lovly day, a tolerable Welcome Home Cold Celebration.

(acerca 4:25 P.M.) I have been putting it off for too long. I had figured that my financial situation would be stabilized by this date. Another monetary expenditure is what I don’t need right now! But it is probably the only way to come out ahead. And it is not Gail Benjamin’s responsibility.
I subscribed to Centel’s telephone service late this morning. The communication device won’t be place into operation until early next week.
Another motivating factor was that I would rather not have my business known by my landlady. As helpful and understanding as she is, Gail Benjamin need not have free access to all aspects of my life!
What’s one more indebtedness, anyway?
I hate to blame Zephyr every time Cold visits the area, but that’s whose fault it is: Zephyr. The vast majority of the people might scoff at this chilly air; to me, however, it is uncomfortable and maddening.

(acerca 8:23 P.M.) I will receive financial backing from the U.S. tarpayers until the first of May. Surely I can come up with independent support by then! If nothing else, my attempted Graduate School matriculation may result in an improved economic state: The Summer Session at Florida State kicks in May.
But, for at least ten weeks, I am guaranteed a fixed income. For ten weeks I must suffer the humiliation, the degradation of my chosen lifestyle. Actually, for ten weeks I will be paying a High Price for my lifestyle.

17 February (Saturday), Tallahassee, FL

A good show, I do believe!
February 17, 1996: The Unity Festival in Tallahassee, FL. I was the featured Clown/Juggler. According to reports, I was well received.
The sky was cloud-free and a gorgeous blue. A tad chilly - almost like a Saturday in Autumn.
The morning was shamefully cold: 32-degrees (F) at 9:00 A.M. Phoebus, my Warm-Up Act, developed a near-perfect environment for an Afternoon Party at Capital Commons.
An unpaid ‘showcase’; the Make-up/Dressing Room this morning was a public restroom, and, as I feared, my privatcy was invaded; Aurora Hanson’s automobile served as the Locker Room; a non-public stair well to the Capitol become the site of my Defacement. An amateur connection - but one that earned me supper for one of two nights.
Around five hours: In addition to displaying juggling, I also gave individual ‘instruction.’
All in all, an excellent Encore Introduction and Entry into the Performing Arts ‘atmosphere’ of this area.
For the first time I am really experiencing the Starving Artist life!

18 February (Sunday), Tallahassee, FL

I will never be a Super Juggler - I started way too late in working on the skill. But I can present an impressive display! Especially if I can devote four hours or more each day to practice. Today, the eighteenth of February 1996, I turned over three hours and twelve minutes, hoping the perserverance and dedication just might lead to something. The long hours are extremely hard on the body, but as long as a Regular Job is denied me . . .
Speaking of which, the Florida Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services, which is backing me with Food Stamps and possibly other lifestyle support later, may be able to ‘convince’ the Florida Department of Revenue that I should be hired for an OPS position. Obviously, Public Assistance is a drain on the State fund, and an employment connection will be ‘pushed.’
Once again, a two-seasonal day: Autumn this morning, Spring this afternoon, a return to Autumn in the evening.
Actually, the early morning was under the Command of Winter: An irritating, uncomfortable cold sealed in Tallahassee, FL.
Nary a Cloud dared to challenge this Sunday. A beauty of a day.

19-20 February (Monday-Tuesday), Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

(19th) February 19, 1996 was the same brightness all day: Overcast kept the Soft Light on the Tallahassee, FL, area early morning to early evening. Even though Mercury was the Courier for Mid-60-degrees (F), Zephyr stalked Mercury this entire Monday, and posted a Chill.
A Can Search this morning; a 3-ball practice at intervals. A letter-writing session: I didn’t feel up to chancing a Storm while away from the protection of the apartment.

(acerca 8:13 P.M.) A Job!!!
About an hour or so ago, there was a rap, rap, rapping on my Chamber Door. I answered the summons.
It was Gail Benjamin’s son - her eldest. The overly-friendly gentleman, after an introduction and opening remarks, informed me that he has four days of work for me. Raking leaves, sweeping, etc.
Gail had discussed such temporary employment with me a few weeks past. A woodworker, the son had been using the services of his wife’s nephew. The young man, however, failed to prove satisfactory, as most nepotism does.
Transportation will be provided: At 7:00 A.M., tomorrow, my employer will come for me.
Samuel Beckett was a Farm Worker for a while. Henry David Thoreau was ‘given’ the position of Yard Man by Ralph Waldo Emerson as a means of support. So my job connection, and the method of obtaining the work, is not at all unusual for the artistic, professional person.
I was ‘paid’ $20 up front, for my help with his mother’s chores, and as an incentive to ‘lend a hand’ in the future.
Charity: But who cares? Sometimes it can’t be helped!
Storm stormed the Gates. It broke through the Overcast Rampart. The goal was us: And, for the last hour or so, It has been unleashing It’s Fury.
The privilege of paying bills! What kind of thing is that to say?!

(20th) I must retrain my Cicadian Clock: The Wake-up Call this morning was 5:40 A.M. And the excitement of a New Deal prevented Slumber until 2:00 A.M., or so. Let’s hope I make this twentieth of February 1996!
I wasn’t the only victum of Wakefulness: Storm intensified Its Strike during the night, saving the major Power Play for early morning. An aggressive Rain, but Lightning and Thunder were never far behind, staying abreast with the assault Team.
Storm can sleep late; I can’t.

(acerca 8:43 P.M.) If only I hadn’t called Centel to confirm my telephone number!
Gail’s son (I don’t even know his name!) had an appointment with a lawyer at 5:00 P.M., and his pick-up truck was at Parade Rest at a parking space in the Parking Deck on the South Side of Park Avenue, near Monroe Street. While he was on his errand, I hurried to the Post Office.
Today, Tuesday, was suppose to be the day my telephone service began. I called my apartment a couple of times, but the Answering Machine never kicked in.
Come to find out, there is no telephone service to my apartment!
Anyway, it was arranged that I would return to the pick-up, and ride to ‘Mama’s’ house. However, as I as using the pay phone in the park opposite the bank-Attorney’s Office, the vehicle and Son drove off.
For over 30 minutes I stood by, in the hope that I would be fetched. But such was not to be: The City bus had to be relied upon.
Though I did meet Michael Trout, of the Southern Shakespeare Festival; I informed him of my telephone number. He asked me why I wasn’t at the auditions Sunday: When I had met him at the Unity Festival Saturday I was told I was on the ‘team,’ and could skip auditions. And now . . .
A second audition session is planned: I will attend no matter what!
A quick visit to the Post Office on Adams, not far from here; a purchase from Family Dollar; dinner at Burger King. Juggling, therefore, could find no time slot this evening.
Clearing away sawdust; making a trash pile of unusable wood scrape; loading limbs and branches that were lying in the yard onto the wheelbarrow.
The worksite is not even in Tallahassee, FL. It is a private residence in a rural environment of Leon County. A woodworking/Carpentry shed is to the rear of the residence. The Carrols (?) are the ‘bosses.
Oh, yes: I also washed a company pick-up.
8 ½ hours, I think; I don;t know if I am to be paid $5- or $6/hour. But, in either case, my indebtedness will be eased a bit.

21 February (Wednesday), Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

As you know, I have telephone service: (904) 216-2429. Call me sometime!
But I don’t have a telephone. The cable that makes communication possible was damaged: Somehow, the cable had been rent asunder, separating the green plastic-coated wire and making the entire instrument inoperable. With nothing to lose, I attempted to repair it. Need I say more?
A portion of my first paycheck will go for a new telephone.
If it isn’t one thing, it’s another!
Update: Gail’s son is named Tim. The business where I am employed is Landrum Cabinets. I get the opportunity to observe first-hand yet another aspect of the building trades.
Full-time work doesn’t mean I have forsaken juggling. Oh, no: Only that I have to re-arrange my day. Phoebus doesn’t dim until around 6:30 P.M.: During Spring, I will have even more light at my disposal. And when Daylight Time comes for Its annual 7-month visit, juggling will be able to court the eight o’clock hour!
February 21, 1996; 9 ½ hours on the job. 32 minutes with Clubs. 57 minutes of indoor 3-ball. Not included into this practice survey is the brief early-morning session with Balls.
A beautiful Wednesday in Tallahassee, FL: Clear, sunny, near-80-degrees (F).

22 February (Thursday), Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

(Nearly 10:00 P.M.) Here it is, nearly 10:00 P.M., and I had _outine! But for over 2 ½ hours I was on visitation to Larry and Gail Benjamin. I had informed Gail of my telephone service, and that I would be buying an instrument tomorrow. She brought, on a return trip, by a spare telephone. Although the telephone service continued to be dysfunctional. I notified the Repair Department of Centel from the Benjamin telephone. Larry, who had, and was still, indulging in imbibation, insisted the Gail prepare dinner for me. Larry’s daughter from a previous marriage, Gail, called, and I talked with her a while.
The twenty-second of February 1996, a gorgeous Thursday in Tallahassee, FL: Bright, warm. However, later in the afternoon, things went sour: Nimbus sent Word that It just might show up. In fact, a light mist delivered the message.
Darkness edged in easier and earlier than usual.
Employment with Landrum Cabinets may be extended: Carol Landrum made the possibility official this afternoon.
This has been a brief summary; I will try to provide a detailed account of today tomorrow.

23 February (Friday), Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

$158.76: My first payday since the ‘gig’with the carnival, Reithoffer Shows. Only thing is, I cannot come up with a way to turn the check into cash. AM South Bank closed down operation for the week at 5:00 P.M., at least the downtown branch did. And this after I endured the nerve-wrecking experience of a what-seems-like-an-eternity wait for a city bus on Blair Stone, across from K-Mart (Tim had ferried me to the spot).
Why is Tallahassee, FL, such a nefarious city to survive in? It seems that, whatever I do, I can’t break into the system of the city. You’ld have to admit: I am doing all I can! However, the Capital City of the Sunshine State, for some reason I can’t fathom, refuses to even meet me halfway. It’s as if my destiny is to close-out my life on earth in Tallahassee! I piss off the gods every time I somehow manage an extension of this failed experiment.
The twenty-third of February 1996; Carol Landrum told me that I could work next week if I wanted. Sure I will! But will I be defying Kismet?
Maybe - just maybe! - the weather has stablized. A beautiful Friday: Warm, clear, lots of Shine. If I can figure out how to break the economic Shut-Out against me, maybe my lifestyle will stablize also!
The Safety Net provided by Food Stamps once again provided succor in my desperate situation. So I may not report this employment for another week or so.
The main library closes at 6:00 P.M., on Fridays. But the post office was available to me. And I restocked my pantry. No quite what I envisoned â-but any headway against the Forces opposing me is cause for jubilation!
At least I can postpone the purchase of a telephone.
I am re-considering my ties to this city. But, before I go anywhere, I want to make damn sure of what awaits me. One can run, but one can’t hide. My doom is most likely inevitable!

24 February (Saturday), Tallahassee, FL

(About 9:25 P.M.) I can now communicate by telephone! A repair man came out this afternoon. Though the best he was able to do was to string a cable from the main box in front of the Big House; a temporary solution, so I was told. And it had better be: The cable was ‘run’ across the side yard and over the patio, where any animal can bite into it. Not to say where people can trip up on it.
But at least I have contact with the outside world! Something which I may regret later on.
Tim and his son visited Gail this morning; learning of my plight from his mother, Tim exchanged that paycheck for cash. Tim Benjamin, I sure, will be glad when I reach financial stability!
A warm day, which damn near succumbed to Overcast. Phoebus, however, exerted too much pull.
I practiced, but I fear the sessions weren’t intense enough to make-up for the neglect made necessary by Full-time duties on a real job. Hopefully, juggling won’t suffer and be affected by Basic Needs.

25-26 February (Sunday-Monday), Tallahassee/Talquin/Monticello, FL

(25th) I couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful young naked female this afternoon. A gorgeous sight!
The twenty-fifth of February 1996, a Sunday spent mostly nude at the Nature Retreat. I submitted an application, paid half of the thirty dollars annual membership fee - and, as a part of the Tallahassee (FL) Bare Devils, must be more discreet with my obsession with the naked female body.
A new perspective on Nudity in the Arts have been awakened I me. Which is one of the functions Nudism suppose to serve.
The lower-80-degrees (F): An outstanding day! Phoebus provided a perfect Heat Lamp environment.
Sixty dollars on the $640 I owe for rent: Maybe by summer I will be caught up on this and my other indebtedness.
Clubs can be juggled while one is nude; however, a Jock Strap should be worn for Ball-juggling: The penis and scrotum vibrate too much, and the protection is needed. But Paul, the president of TBD, and my transport-provider, ‘issued’ me a ‘warning’ that the Jock Strap may lead to reluctance of the women to disrobe. So I didn’t do a long Ball-session.
Damn! but that blonde had a fantastically smooth, lovely body! Such a sight alone is more than worth the expense of the dues!

(26th, Acerca 6:36 P.M.) Can you blame me for taking in the enchanting sight of the beautiful blonde without the beauty kept from viewing by clothes? The vast majority of the females are disgusting in their nakedness: Saggy Breasts, a mid-rift bulge, misformed buttocks. So the rare opportunity had to be seized! And I am sure I was not the only male that took second looks.
A chilly morning - which means only one thing: A dirty rat is homesteading in my apartment! It, in fact, made an appearance this morning.
I guess any attempt to make my house varmit-free if furtile.

(acerca 7:42 P.M.) I was the gardner for the Landums all day! I raked the yard, and carried the leaves and pine straw to the bonfire spot. A tough job. But someone has to do it!
A warm, bright Monday. I did a Club session this twenty-six of February 1996 upon arriving home from work. A long shot though it may be, I want to be ready whenever I get the Come On Down! by the artistic community of Tallahassee, FL.
April ends the two-year period that Class ‘B’ misdemeanor Indecent Exposure conviction from Louisville is announced on my Driver’s License. I knew there had to be a reason that I held off on transferring state certification! A Class ‘B’ misdemeanor is equal to a traffic violation, and I may not be able to affect the swap while the tell-tale sign clusters up my driving record.

27-28 February (Tuesday-Wednesday), Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

(27th) I don’t know if it has ever happened to you, but it is a horrible! situation.
Gail and I took that Black Dog to the animal Shelter; I drove Gail’s and Larry’s van.
The dog was my buddy: she would always come over for a visit whenever I was outside.
However, the crittur was chasing and frightening the water fowl, something I couldn’t tolerate. That’s not all of the mysterious things she did, but I foresaw a hell for the chicks, soon to be honored guests.
Gail and I both wanted the dog gone. But not put to sleep! Upon asking the female attendent at the Animal Shelter if the dog would be euthanized, and the answered in the positive, I nearly broke down. Especially when the dog turned her eyes on me. The creature had given me its trust, and what did I do in return? But it was either the dog or the ducks. Still, it was a hard thing to do!
The twenty-seventh of February 1996; the humans that ‘owned’ the dog should be the victums of the euthanization: The dog, a Labrador Retriever, was never given guidance, and could do only what her instrincts provided.

(acerca 9:02 P.M.) I’m not over it, by any means! I will never be able to reconcile myself to the cruel realities of life. But maybe it was something that had to be done. If the dog was really a ‘friend,’ she would not want to see me destroyed.
Or would she?
Anyway: A warm Tuesday in Tallahassee, FL. Although a decision on the tone of the day was not to be: Phoebus pulled the day to His side for a while, then lost out to Overcast. Warm and Cool were at odds even: The matutional Chill returned in mid-afternoon, just as Warmth was about to grab the Knot.
The torment of a possible death to a wonderful, loving Canine friend is partly being softened by the knowledge that, now, my avian buddies will have a little easier lifestyle.
A fact of life: Many times choices are equally questionable. It is only a matter of picking the best or better of the worse. In such situations, one never wins.

(About 6:58 A.M.) I am physically exhausted from Yard Work. I go beyond the line of duty in attempting to prove my worth. Hell, I only get $5/hr! How much is there to prove for that measly amount?
I am haunted by thoughts of my perfidy. Worse things have afflicted me, however.

(acerca 8:45 P.M.) She was saved!
My canine buddy is back home. However, the back yard of the neighbor has been fenced in, undoubtedly a condition of the ‘pardon.’ Although the dog dug a trench underneath a section of the enclosure, and can continue her Campaign of Terror.
I don’t know whether to be happy or angered! I’m just worried about the waterfowl, that’s all. Maybe a ‘peace’ can be arranged. If only life would work that way.
At long last: Permanent telephone communication! A repair man worked 5-6 hours so that I could have private access to the Outside World. Bless his heart!
Club-juggling was interrupted by the bubbling of the pond. After trying all day, Rain finally found a way through the Overcast. But I got in around 45 minutes of Clubs. Later, I played with my Balls inside the apartment.
The Landrums have a lot of yard! I still have over - way over! - half the yard to rake! Of course, I extend my employment in this matter!

29 February (Thursday), Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

There are several variations of juggling I need to practice, so a ten-hour Work Day, like today, isn’t so harmful. Besides, it has been a cold, wet Thursday here in Tallahassee, FL
Three-ball over the bed: It’s what I focus on in inclement weather.
Not only is the White-Collar Job taking up more time, but bookings for April are on the rise, and I am faced with an increase in business once I arrive at my home/office. Don’t get me wrong: I am not complaining. Especially if less free time means more money coming in.
Where does Leap Day go for four years? Does it ‘retire’ in order to compose a Plan of Attack? The 1996 visitation of February 29 was, and is, a raw, miserable. Why Leap Day fell in behind Winter is beyond me!
I know why You are doing this to me, Tallahassee! You don’t want me to come down here, thinking I could get rich from going to school: You are making Graduate School hard for me!

1-9 March, Tallahassee/Talquin, FL

(1st) Way to go March 1996! You have begun Your Reign with cold, raw weather! Your alligence to Winter sucks!
Friday the first; hopefully this will be the final concession to Winter for 7-8 months! Maybe soon Tallahassee, FL, will consistently put out the climate for which the Sunshine State in famous.
Winter only has the Official Right to torment us for about the next three weeks: Spring takes over then. But will Spring turn on us?

(acerca 10:02 A.M.) The weather being what it is, I was told not to report to work: Tim called his mother, who, in turned, called me. Rain would keep me from Leaves Duty. Tim will bring by my paycheck this afternoon.
I left - I don’t know! - four or more messages on the Answering Machine at the Southern Shakespeare Festival. Michael Trout, the Executive Producer, most likely had enough, and so, in response to inquiry concerning the Second Auditions, phoned me and, as I was in bed, talked with my Answering Machine. I am scheduled for the Final Audition on the sixth of April.
Michael Trout is now aware of my dedication and determination: And is probably sick of it!
A horrible day! These kinds of days I dread, though I’m sure they must come.

(acerca 8:31 P.M.) I have the terrible feeling that, along with my paycheck, I also received a Pink Slip.
Tim brought the wage-paper to his mother, who contracted me of such via telephone. Why didn’t Tim come the few yards to my apartment? Most likely because he was reluctant to deliver the termination message. The weather is bad - but not that bad! I mailed a Money Order (the convenient Store nearby sells American Express M.O.’s) to the National Geographic Society, rejoining the Club and subscribing to the Magazine. With yet another period of joblessness a possibility, I, in hindsight, regret the expenditure. But how was I to know?
Late morning and early afternoon held back Rain; I made a goceries shopping ‘run.’ Chances are that I will have to extend my reliance on Food Stamps.
What, or who, is behind all the difficulty telephone service is giving me? And why? For what reason am I locked out of Normal Life? I contacted Sprint-Centel about the change in my mailing address; the female on the other end could barely hear me; I was transferred to Repair; I explained the situation.
One of these days I, too, may have access to State-of-the-Art communication!
Rain waited for me to do an hour Club-juggling session. How sweet!

(2nd) 36 ¼ hours this week. That produced $162.38. Now, which indebtedness should be soften?
Once again, telephone service to my apartment receive attention by a Sprint-Centel technician; and this time maybe the final cure for a while. The disconcerting humming was removed.
Now for the weather! Who will remove coolness/coldness from Tallahassee, FL? Sure, the Air won’t be burden with the load It was forced to carry in January. And, after all, March, or at least the major part of it, belongs to Winter. But still I don’t like it! Although it was a fine Saturday. Nary a cloud dared to stand in the way of Phoebus. A pleasant afternoon: especially for the 2nd! (1996)
A chilly morning as I hiked to the Laundromat on Orange Avenue. However, when I arrived back home, I discovered that Juggling was more than welcomed. It was expected.
Booking and ‘invitations’ to festivals continue to pour in. At this rate, Spring and Summer may be performance-friendly. God, I hope so!

(3rd) Yes, I was be given a third week extension on my ‘Employment Contract’ with Landrum Cabinets. Tim phones early this afternoon and informed me that 'Miss Carol’
wishes me to clean-up around the new building being readied, I guess, to handle the expansion of the business.
Great! More bills can be paid!
Paul, of the Bare Devils, called early this morning. I declined a day by the lake: Even though the third of March 1996 sported a terrific afternoon. But I rather wait and ‘share’ my slowly-improving financial resources for O_en Days, which I anxiously look forward to. And I had to practice. Sacrificing is as critical to developing a Whiz-Bang display as technique is.
Phoebus sure didn’t rest on this Sunday, the Day on No Work! A brilliant afternoon! However, the Clouds were still away from Their Posts, having hurriedly left Tallahassee, FL, Friday after turning on us. They knew we were out for Them!
It cost $5 to ‘get naked’; the Chill begins to turn mean around 4:00 P.M. One really doesn’t get his/hers money’s worth on days like this.
For nearly four hours I worked-out with Clubs and Balls. Unfortunately, I am unable to practice a Week’s Worth on the weekends. I does no good to try; in fact it may be harmful to try.

(4th) Sure, I’m anxious to settle up with everyone! But ten hours of brutal physical labor? And for only $5 an hour? The only consolation is that the job will (hopefully) last only 2-3 more weeks.
March 4, 1996: No time for juggle-practice. In fact, no time for anything! A quick meal, writing, then to bed. Tomorrow will be here quickly.
The Clouds are slowly returning. They were spotted just over the horizon, headed for a beautiful blue apex.
I was busy this Monday clearing away the obstacles at the New Showroom. Brick blocks do get heavy after so long!
A warm, beautiful day in Tallahassee, FL.
I was hoping to exchange my paycheck for cash, but work went longer than Sun Bank, the institution the Lamdrums draw the check from, was open for business. Maybe my on-hand cash supply will cover my expenses until I can synchronize my Off-Work time with the Before-Closing time of the bank.

(5th) I again spent most of the day in Talquin. Well, that’s whats written on the Water Tower immediately to the rear of the New Building.
Nimbus is sure to follow; I’m surprised It didn’t. Nimbus always seems to follow Zephyr in Tallahassee, FL.
Who could have believed those peaceful, innocent Clouds would suddenly turn mean and rush Zenith! But it happened! All was quiet in the sky, the Clouds were scattered about, mingling. Then, as if on cue, They attacked en masse!
Zephyr was roused. Whether in league with the Invading Force, or in a desperate attempt to escape It, sand was thrown in my face. Gathering thrash became rather difficult: The individual article had to be wedged into a pile, or Zephyr would steal it.
Phoebus had a hard time staying lit: Zephyr blew the light out over and over. Though when It did managed to keep It going, March 5, 1996 was a warm Tuesday.
The Work Day ended at a decent hour, allowing a Club-practice. The real trick, however, is juggling a paying job with a Maybe-Pay-Later project.
A gorgeous Full Moon reveals Its Twin in the pond. A most awe-inspiring vista.
The female next door has given my voyeurism a Seal of Approval: Last night she went out of her way, knowing full well I was watching, to remove her clothes several times. Unfortunately, the only anatomy I see is Breast. The nipple are larger, almost, than the tits.
The female can glimpse my image in the light from the Full Moon; I’m sure she can hear my loud talking. And her dogs bark. I am nearer to naked females at the nudist club - but this female is tickled to display for me, so I humor her.

(6th) I sent a Money Order to Centel-Florida this morning, offices in Altamont Springs. For $36.29: The installation charge is being ‘spread out’ over three months.
As in Tuscaloosa and Louisville, each incoming call is expensive. Telephone service is not cost-efficient. And I must purchase my own set: As I told you, the set I am hooked up to is a loaner from Gail Benjamin. The person on the other end can barely hear my voice. Whenever the climate is dreary - as it was today - a crackling is discernible.
Why, then, shouldn’t I give up the post office box I am renting? I don’t receive enough mail to make the rental fee worthwhile. The few correspondance I am ‘entitled’ to can just s easily - and for a cheaper price - reach me at the address of my apartment.
The sixth of March 1996; it looks as if a bad spell of weather is out to get us: Today, in Tallahassee, FL, it was raw and miserable. Rain bombarded us a couple of times throughout this Wednesday.
Eight hours and more at a bill-covering job; then home, and, what may be a desperate, futile attempt to practice an hour or two. I really should relax more. But I can’t neglect juggling, although, the way things are developing, I present the skill in a formal environment only rarely. Bills, however, appear to develop rather quickly!

(7th) Today, the seventh of March 1996, is the first Thursday in Month III. It was the day for Food Stamps pick-up. A full-time job is very important and precious to me, to say the least; but the $119 ‘gift’ also helps with expenses. I was wondering how I would be able to swing both: I didn’t want to take a valuable Work Day off, yet I needed to keep the Safety Net of Public Assistance.
I prepared for the Work Day as usual this morning. I waited for Tim, my ride and ‘agent’ to and for the Lamdrum Cabinet job.
And I waited.
8:10 A.M., I was still waiting. It was then that I decided to engage in bus travel to The Ambassador, the Food Stamp Office on Apalachee Parkway.
Thunderstorms loomed over Tallahassee, FL. Rain had begun an early-morning Fall-Out. Given the conditions placed on the day by the Invading Army, I figured my Cleaning Services could not be used: Inclement weather last Friday, you will recall, resulted in a one-day Ceased Fire.
After degrading myself, I went on a Shopping Spree at the near-by Publix, a large supermarket. I was hoping to make it back home before the assault. But I lost out.
What about a future with Landrum? I made telephone contact with Tim a while ago; he didn’t sound too hopeful, but that could have been a mis-interpretation. I sure could use 3-4 more weeks of work! I am just about to settle with everybody.
It has been nasty and unforgiving all day. In two session, I practice 3-Ball for about an hour and 50 minutes.
One doesn’t lose physicality until the sixth of seventh decade of life. But, as one ages, the time required for the body to reactivate itself becomes longer. I am back to normal, but this morning would have been too soon to resume an overly taxing schedule: The responsible parties were not ready. Unfortunately, the realities of life often clash; it is not unusual for a person to be a victum of this contradiction. In all liklihood, I have.
Another ‘can’t be done’: One can’t wait until juggling engagments come to one. If one did, one would never develop a sensational act. That is, unless one was a full-time juggler. The rare occassion set-aside for a formal juggling outlet demand that I work-out at least six days a week, at least an hour a day. For every minute of Public Juggling, I suppose I put in 2-3 hours of practice. Is it worth it, I wonder?

(8th) $4 for a shopping cart of alumimun; $130.45 for the three days of work with Landrum Cabinets: A pretty good take for the week.
Cold was able to penetrate the cocoon which Warm Weather had built around Tallahassee, FL. March 8, 1996 was definitely under the sponsorship of Winter. The morning was friged; Phoebus came to the rescue this afternoon, but the evening is re-capturing the Friday, Phoebus running away at the first sign of danger.
Laundry duty mid-afternoon; then a session for 75 minutes with 4-Balls. Three-Balls got an outing this morning, inside the apartment.
That ‘history’ of Nicholas II and Alexandra was completed. I harbor suspicious against the validity of the truthfulness of the biography: In the first place, the book was too detailed. I doubt if even an event of this importance - the rise and fall of the last Tsar of Russia could be supported by exact dates and times. But the odds has to be that some of the details are correct: Guesswork is based on playing the odds.
Just when we thought we were safe from Winter’s Butchery . . .

(9th) Is it only a reaction to the nasty, cold climate? Is it periodic depression? Or is it reality making an appearance, fed up with being bush aside all the time?
Just when I was on the road to economic recovery, my money-source dries up! The epiphany descended on me last Tuesday: The Landrums would be cutting short my campaign of Sufficiency.
Today is Saturday; there is still a chance that I will be ‘booked’ for next week. On the other hand, the possibility of resuming ‘retirement’ threatens.
No reason for Tallahassee, FL, to treat me like this. I am no longer willing to endure such venom in the hopes of a future paradise. I am only deluding myself. So . . . June has been chosen as a tentative date for my departure from The Capital City of the Sunshine State. Hopefully, I can manage somehow to pay the bills. I don’t want to ‘run out’ on anybody, including Gail and Larry Benjamin.
I have learned my lesson well. The next move will not be made until all accomadations are pre-arranged: Employment, living quarters, etc.
March 9, 1996; if the situation surrounding my lifestyle was improving . . . But it’s not! And it won’t! What makes me think that it will?
So deep was the Slumber of Cold that even a ‘violent’ ‘shaking’ by Phoebus could not move it! A horrible cold day!

10-11 March (Sunday-Monday), Tallahassee, FL

(10th) Tallahassee, FL, seems to have an unshakable hold on the cold; if only my hold on employment was as unshakable! Once again, I will be dependent on hand-outs and charity for a living.
The ‘position’ with Landrum Cabinets was so promising! Carol even told me that, as long as business was as good as it is, I could have a job. And I was going to be trained as a cabinet maker.
The job was charity, never seen as a necessary contribution to the business environment. And when Reality struck home, and Carol realized the cost of this ‘charity,’ it was quickly determined that I was excess baggage which Landrum couldn’t afford.
So I am back to where I started! Actually worse-off than when I started: For I took on telephone service, figuring the job would allow me access to an adaquate money supply. I should have known better!
A cold, miserable Sunday - which doesn’t help my disposition any!
The tenth of March 1996; I made the move to Tallahassee for the weather, and for Graduate Study at Florida State University. The Climate has only been a heartbreaker, and not at all what I was after. Next month I will ‘hear’ about Formal Study: Will it, too, follow the path of the weather?

(11th, About 7:58 P.M.) Three festivals since last evening. Then why is it money-producers are so difficult to come my way?
A telephone call yesterday evening officially established my connection to the International Women’s Day Festival this Saturday - even though Marge, the caller, stated only “the festival.” Which one, I wondered: for I have contacted a whole bunch.
Late this afternoon, a gentleman associated with Springtime Tallahassee dialed the number of the telephone servicing this apartment. I responded to the ‘ringing.’
My mime act will be featured during the Springtime Tallahassee Festival on 13 April; but only by way of a Stage Presentation: a Strolling Performance would interfere with the other goings-on.
The sane ‘sponsorer’ asked if I would be interested in the March 23rd Children’s Day, also a Springtime Tallahassee event. I returned a positive answer.
One or more 15-minute Stage Shows will be ‘booked’ for either festival.
Now, if only I could arrange for the necessary funding to cover living expenses and to get me out of debt! I contacted John Thompson, the gentleman with the Department of Revenue, and the man who interviewed me for that O.P.S. position back in January, this morning. It seems like my interpretation of the lack of communication within such a long inteval of time was correct: Contrary to the notice in the newspaper, the application process was to develop a ‘pool’ of maybes to take-up duties as they become available. That is, assuming John Thompson wasn’t bullshitting me.
According to Mr. Thompson, I am still in the ‘running.’
Quite possibly, Fate finds Itself in a dilemma: How to get me out of the house during the day, and to a paying job, while at the same time ‘arrange’ things so producers/promoters/etc., are able to get in touch with me, and that I can keep up my performance schedule.
If I think I have it rough, imagine what Fate must be going through! I wouldn’t trade places for anything!!

(acerca 9:22 P.M.) I guess this was the fifth day in a row that I was ‘forced’ by Cold to conduct two three-Ball juggle-sessions inside. Not that it was a waste of time: The concentration is something I needed and should pay dividends. To be a good juggler one must show a good basic cascade pattern.
Cold shows signs of easing up, either through compassion or attrition. Or maybe the nearness of Spring has It running scared. It was the nefarious Zephyr which ruined the day: It was quick to locate the small amount of Cold left lying around, and scattered it. I just hope my appearance Saturday will result in better behavior by Winter!
This weekend I made a ‘promise’ of sorts to be an extra in a Student Film being partially ‘shot’ in Montgomery Gym, on the F.S.U. campus. That commitment was made, however, before the festival booking was finalized. And Sunday is the yearly business meeting of the Bare Devils. So it looks like I will have to stand the movie session up.
Will all this heavy ‘booking’ lead to double- and triple-booking? That could lead to trouble. Being a victum of circumstances is bad enough! But don’t let me also become a victum of my own success!

12 March (Tuesday), Tallahassee, FL

Being that Fate is so keen on my performance ventures, let It pay the bills!
March 12, 1996; Spring and Winter make Autumn, right? It was (and is) a beautiful Tuesday in Tallahassee, FL. The resurrected Warmth meant that I was able to work-out with the Clubs late this morning. With a Festival Saturday, I’m so thankful for the privilege: It wouldn’t do, now would it?, to be a major attraction at the public get-together and be unprepared! I just hope for three more outings with Clubs.
Three- and Four-Ball had their hour and a-half this afternoon.
This morning I went on a can-hunting walk. I returned home with a small trash bag full. Can it be that it has been just three weeks since I was ‘promoted’ from this ‘profession’? And once again I am back to it! What good is busting ass to improve my situation? Two steps forward, three steps back!
Juggle-practice brings out the worse in Hemorrhoids! It was as if some one or some thing had lit a fire under my ass! Only now, aseated in a cushioned chair, are the Flames being estinguished. Surely there must be a compromise! There must be a way for Juggling and the Avoidance of Hemorrhoidal Trauma to co-exist!

13 March (Wednesday), Tallahassee, FL

It can’t go on like this! My so-called Performance Career seldom, if it will ever, cover living expenses! Dedication, sacrifice, perserverance: Bullshit!
Certificates from the city, celebrity status: Can’t be eaten! Or won’t pay the rent!
The thirteenth of March 1996, another award-winning Winter Day. Continue to get ready for Saturday’s Festival; instead I should be slaving at a cash-producing job. I should be juggling my financial indebtedness, not Clubs and Balls!
Something gotta change! My residency in Tallahassee, FL, must be more than just performance after performance, without being accomplanied by money!
How many more Wednesdays can I afford to ‘waste’?
But there’s no use to complain: Fate doesn’t care. She won’t be moved by the desperation of Her victum.

14 March (Thursday), Tallahassee, FL

(About 7:58 P.M.) Most of this gorgeous day was spent raking leaves. Unfortunately they weren’t on the ground of the Landrum yard. No, that would have been a paying job: And Fated doesn’t want that! The yard work was for the Benjamins, my landlord and landlady. Of course, I am allowed to be ‘behind’ on my rent, without being evicted. I don’t get the chance to work for money: Only for a living.
I had a visit from Anita and her daughter Dominick (?). I had just began a Club-practice, and the two came by to watch. In all probability uttering untruths, Anita told me about her past experience with the television show LAUGH-IN; she would have me believe she is a composer and script writer.
Anita lives near-by: Will there ever be a Second Date? The woman may well be worth it!
Later in the afternoon I underwent an uninterrupted practice.

15 March (Friday), Tallahassee, FL

I finally formally met Leah, the part-time resident of the apartment above me. Classy, nice-looking, around my age: Don
t forget I am a hardy exponent of the Good Neighbor policy!
More leaves-gathering; further preparations for the festival tomorrow. The only ‘frill’ to the fifteenth of March 1996 was laundry this morning. Not counting the vis-a -vis with Leah.
A beautiful Friday in Tallahassee, FL: Upper-70-degrees (F), bountiful shine. However, the Wind was rather brisk, usually a herald of Rain. Tonight, and not tomorrow – o’kay? A deal?

16-21 March (Saturday-Thursday), Tallahassee/Monticello, FL

(16th) The pond was bubbling early this morning. Oh, hell!
Wind was a Whore throughout the day.
Black Clouds displayed.
The festival, however, was nicely attended, though - especially this afternoon.
Warm; occassional visits by Phoebus: A well organized little get-together in Peck Park (between the library and the Park Avenue Post Office).
My ‘dressing room’ was a Portable Toliet. My ‘Green Room’ was the side entrance to the Post Office (closed: This is Saturday).
I was double-booked this sixteenth of March 1996: I made a commitment to be an ‘extra’ in a student film, scenes which was ‘shot’ in Montgomery Gym this afternoon.

(acerca 8:21 P.M.) Will this No Show be damaging to my artistic reputation in Tallahassee, FL? I am working so hard on building my ‘renown,’ and I hope I don’t become a victum of my overzealousness!
Will this slight to Florida State University be used against me in acceptance into Graduate School? Of course, there doesn’t exist the ‘desperation’ which provided the motivating force for the Return which resulted in a degree: I was doing a dead-end, humiliating job at the fairgrounds in Louisville, subconsciously looking for a way back into Performance. I may never do another Circus tour, but my ‘free-lance’ dates are becoming more and more numerous.
Graduate School may well be a hindrance to a ‘career’; I may do best to stay away from F.S.U.

(acerca 8:56 P.M.) Do I have any business appearing at local ‘amateur’ showcases? It’s not as if I need the Introduction to Performing: I had many years of On-the-Job training. Do I expect these ‘benefits’ will return me to ‘professional’? I do, but they won’t.

(17th) “You can't serve two Masters.” Aparently what’s happening in my life - how it is being dealt with - must adhere to that rule. The Performance Master is given the priority: Every other thing, including a Regular money-providing job, must serve that Lord.
Performance Master is way too demanding! Never mind about my economics woes, as long as It gets the attention It feels is due It.
One of these days I may develop the courage to revolt and start my own life!

(acerca 8:02 P.M.) Tallahassee, FL, is getting a horrible beating! Very intense firepower.
March 17, 1996, began the Cool-down mid-afternoon: At least it came about out at the Club. This is Sunday, the day set aside for my nudist lifestyle.
By the way, my membership for a year is all paid up. For twelve months I can engage in sanction, legal Indecent Exposure!
The annual Business Meeting enticed me to bare-all, in spite of the unstable weather possibilities this area had lurking behind ‘cover.’

(18th) Her it is, the eighteenth of March 1996, and I have yet to begin an association with the Florida State University Circus! That was one of the reasons, if not the reasons, I relocated to Tallahassee, Fl, in the first place! The annual showcase is the first two weekends of April. I suppose any chance for a return to circus touring is slim indeed if I can’t even get with an amateur show!
However, I was informed earlier today that my stage appearance at Saturday’s Springtime Tallahassee Children’s Day comes off around 1:15 P.M., for about fifteen minutes. It will be my first Stage Show in Lord knows how long!
The cleaners, the sweepers, the maintenance people, etc., have been busy preparing for the Swearing-In Ceremony. The morming of this Monday saw a heavy onslaught of Water drenching the Stands. The Committee, it seems, wants to wash away all signs of the Bad Policy formulated by Winter, and begin afresh.

(acerca 8:37 P.M.) I owe $800 in rent. How in the hell! will I ever be able to cover that amount if my only level of Performance is non-pay? Maybe if I rake every yard in the neighborhood I just might make a dent in this indebtedness!
A small world it is! A female member of the Bare Devils, Marion Walker, is working one of those O.P.S. positions with the Department of Revenue. John Thompson is her boss. A discussion of this occurred between us Sunday; Marion also told me Personel was the hold-up, as I had been told before. There are only twenty-five of those O.P.S. positions: Should I hold out hope for one in the future, once the temporaries come to the end of their ‘contract’

(19th) It’s not giving me a chance! Winter keeps blasting away!
March 19, 1996: The final day of Winter 1996. A Bad Loser: Struggling to the end! A cold, windy Tuesday in Tallahassee, FL. I say cold - lower-50-degrees (F); but after the run Mid- and- Upper-70-degrees (F) had, the downgrade is rough to take. Phoebus was here this afternoon to say good-bye to Winter; but Winter don’t seem to want to relinquish Power.
I continue to sweep for leaves. Zephyr, however, is extending my ‘contract’: The raked front and side portions of the yard are already densely populated with the Fallen. Just one more way Winter has manuvered events so as to influence future policy.

(acerca 8:23 P.M.) I found a box that will be suitable for the Clown Magic trick I plan on presenting Saturday; a former container for liquor, behind the Liquor Store located in the Towne South Shopping Center.
I came upon two sheets of Contact Paper during one of the Raking Sessions.
Or, I should say, the materials were revealed to me. After all, its the least Fate can do . . .

(20th) I have been given another chance-“ for some reason.
I received a call earlier, for the ‘Film Company’: My services as an ‘extra’ are wanted Friday morning for a ‘shoot’ at Leon High School. Most likely so many extras made my absence last Saturday inconsequential and not notice.
Anyway, I am a ‘teacher’ in the portion of the student film being imprinted on celluloid Friday morning.
My involvement in Performance is becoming ‘heavy’! If only my share of the profits became ‘heavy’! Hell, if only that share was even counteble!
An early, early morning seasonal Change-over; I expect the Cold Cabal will be replaced real soon.
Please!
The wind was biting; Chill was surrounded on all sides and was unable to get away. An uncomfortable twentieth (20th) of March 1996.
The next time I relocate, it will be up north! Contrary to what I heard, Tallahassee, FL, is not a warm Paradise! And Bad Weather has an option to make out lives miserable, for 4-5 more weeks. I pray It doesn’t invoke the clause!
Soon I may wish for leisure time. But I have too much of it at present. And too many bills which have to be neglected. I have no say in the matter.
Wednesday.

(21st)Thursday.
I began the reading of Herman Wouk’s “Inside, Outside.” And why not? I will read this novel sooner of later: Why put it off any longer?
March 21, 1996; a slight upgrading of the weather. The Chill wasn’t as biting today. Zephyr was forceful, but It didn’t carry the ‘punch’ It did yesterday.
The Clouds are still recovering from the Swearing-in Ball of last night, and were in no condition to report for duty. Tallahassee, FL, therefore, had a clear, uncluttered Ceiling. A lovely November day in March.
Three dollars for a cart ful of cans: That paid for my washing and drying, and a bottle of tea.
Practice. Yard work. Not too different from yesterday really!

22 March (Friday), Tallahassee, FL

I was a Teacher most of this twenty-second of March 1996. GOITERBOY, the student-produced (FSU Film School) movie, was on location at Leon High School (an ‘off-day; for students in all of Tallahassee, FL). A well-dressed, classy black female was my colleague in the ‘extra’ work. Six hours for several scenes of ‘teachers’ and ‘students’ roaming a hall between ‘classes,’ sometimes with the Regular Cast, sometimes without.
Again with the unpaid performance!
A clear, bright Friday, but cool: Mercury could only give us the mid-sixties (F).
Sure, I am becoming somewhat of a minor celebrity in this area; and the bills continue to pole up. For some reason I can’t take care of both: I can’t serve these two Masters.

23-27 March (Saturday-Wednesday), Tallahassee/St. Marks, FL

(23rd) Stage is my least favorite Performance medium. When doing Street, you are part of the crowd, and must vie for attention. Stage, however, automatically pulls the people’s gaze onto you. Stage ‘forces’ people to watch you, if they want to or not.
I open the show asleep in a folding chair while a couple of radio personalities introduced me. Then I moved to the front - the ground in front of the Stage. I juggled.
The Magic - scarves that become Tide - was presented from the stage.
10-15 minutes; after all, it was for no pay. Was the show successful?
The Children’s Spectacular was scheduled to ‘run’ until 5:00 P.M.; but when I passed the fairgrounds - the ‘arena’ for the festival - around 4:00 P.M., on my way home from Groceries Shopping, everything had cleared out. Did the party end once the people saw my show? Or did they fear being further sickened?
March 23, 1996: What happened after I left the fairgrounds?
A bright, clear Saturday in Tallahassee, FL. Autumn must be Spring’s Chief of Staff. A Fallish coolness covered the area all day.
This afternoon’s Showcase was the first of two in the Springtime Tallahassee series: Will I be invited to appear at the 13 April Jubilee?
What in the hell! do they want for free? You get what you pay for!

(24th) Eva said, “God gave you talent, not money.”
Eva Whitfield was very good at her job. And we all know what her job was - and maybe still is!
March 24, 1996: A great Sunday for a nude session. However, Steve, Mary, Jesse, and Martin are stopping by on their vacation trip to the Gulf. So I sacrifice this warm (lower-70-degrees F) cloudless day for housecleaning.
The Tallahassee, FL, wind is a nuisance. I guess that means a Spring Winter. No matter who is in Office, I suspect Winter, when retired for nine months, exert a powerful influenee.
I was desperate to enter Middle Age with an improvement of my lifestyle. To such an end, I thought a College degree would be an ideal escort. The financial set-back would be ‘covered’ at a future date. As with all dreams, I rushed forward without considering the Pros and Cons.
Damn! if I will deal with Graduate School that way! I won’t be tricked into the trap of Formal Study at any cost! And if I never catch up with Master’s, will life really be so bad? What has Bachelor’’s done for me?

(26th) For a moment let’s pretend it’s yesterday. In that way I won’t be accused of neglect.
I traveled with the Holts to the National Wildlife Refuge down in St. Marks, twenty or so miles south. That the Gulf of Mexico is so close gladdens my heart.
Now, if only the weather will get right! While at St. Marks, the gods replenished the Gulf with a hard-hitting Rain Storm. Lightning and Thunder accompanied Rain. And the rest of the afternoon was unable to fend the Trio off. Only did Early Evening come up with the strength and courage.
Mary hasn’t changed: She is still very much an unfulfilled, frustrated woman. To an extent, Steve is also a creature to be pitied. Both trade a lot of Reality to the movies. Mary was especially taken with the Academy Awards (Oscars). So as to prolong the visit, I encamped at the Holt motel room (Motel 6) until around 12:30 A.M., this morning. By doing so, I was placed in a position of a forced viewing of the Escapism show. I didn’t kill me, but such an event would never had touched me independently and of my own free will.

(acerca 8:10 P.M.) Back to the carnival I go.
I am working as a laborer with the James E. Strate Shows, the Mid-way providers for the Food and Fun Fair at the North Florida Fairgrounds. I made a hurried foot trip to the arena’ this morning, but didn’t stick around, due to the fact the Holts were scheduled to make a Farewell Visit.
March 26, 1996: It was a brunch party at Denny’s on the A. Parkway. Then another visit to the Bookshelf (Steve, Mary, and I had gone shopping at the used book store yesterday - Monday evening) in order that Jesse and Martin could connect with Comic Books and Children’s Books.
Yesterday’s Storm used up the Budgetted Climate of two days: It was calm, warm, and bright in Tallahassee, FL, this Tuesday.
After the departure in early afternoon, I made a second ‘run’ to the fairgrounds. The result? Four hours of set-up of the little Merry-Go-Round. Five dollars an hour. More set-up tomorrow, and most likely Thursday. And there is a good chance of a job during the Fair: I let it be known that I was an experienced Ride Jock.
I may finally ‘square’ with AM South Bank, and have the means to, at long last, cover the bill for those calenders from National Geographic, an indebtedness that should have been taken care of in January.
One of these days I may actually catch up on owed rent!
With my company gone, I can hopefully get back on the former juggling practice schedule!

(27th) By the way, I made-up, and dressed for the Stage Show at the fairgrounds Saturday in a shed/garage/warehouse; I defaced and returned to everyday life in a food preparing room.
March 27, 1996: Ten hours on the little Merry-Go-Round.
The Storm that blitzed Tallahassee, FL, wasn’t nearly as powerful as the advanced warning reported. Sure, there was rain! But not the downpour predicted. Although there’s always tomorrow.
My first employment connection in this area was Carni Work; does that mean I will be relocating soon?
A warm Wednesday, but, as I said above, wet and dreary.

28 March (Thursday), Tallahassee, FL

I deposited a twenty dollar bill towards the indebtedness which AM SOUTH Bank has on me. Now I am down to $100.
I returned a library book and made the library card a pernament one.
A hurried round-trip bus trip.
I had a hair cut this afternoon at a Family Salon on Monroe, between Orange Avenue and Paul Russell. That was a $6 outlay.
Employment with Strates Shows depends on it: This morning, and again this afternoon, I was instructed to groom myself if I wanted to work the Tallahassee, FL, ten-day stand. The ‘boss’ allowed me a 4-hour preparation period (8:00 A.M.- 12 noon) in the morning. But, as the hair removal place was near the fairgrounds, I went ahead and got it over with after being relieved as a Green Set-up help at 3:30 P.M.
Six and a-half hours this twenty-eighth of March 1996, all of it with the Double Carrousel (little Merry-Go-Round).
A warm Thursday; the transformation into a sunny, clear afternoon appeared doutful. The morning ‘straddled the fence,’ but Phoebus was the stronger challenger. (continued)




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