LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2014-09-13 16:30:00 (UTC)

Peace

"This Too Shall Pass" by Danny Schmidt [I love this song so fucking much. The lyrics are beautiful]

Things change fast
But this too shall pass
Better carve it on your forehead
Or tattoo it on your ass

'Cause who can tell
When the clock strikes twelve
If today's become tomorrow
Or if it's all just gone to hell

My friend makes rings
She swirls and sings
She's a mystic in the sense
That she's still mystified by things

But scared to ask
How can nothing last
'Cause like a cancer in your body
It all just goes too fast

We think too big
We think our self is one whole thing
And we claim that this collection
Has a name and is a being

But deep inside
When every cell divides
It sets upon the rule that states
Self-interest is divine

Cancer, too
Lives by this golden rule
That you must do unto the others
As the others unto you

All for the best
'Cause that's all the life accepts
And so we kill it like a buffalo
With awe and with respect

Don't ask God
Just ask the sky
She'll tell it to you plainly
In the clouds that whisper by

And praise the shapes
And then praise the way they change
And they'll teach you not to pray to light
Without you pray to rain

So I pray to hands
And I pray to needs
And I pray to blades of grass
To find forgiveness in the weeds

But as for health
I just never did believe
And so I never prayed myself
Except to those that prayed for me

The story goes
Or the way that I was told
There was a king that always felt too high
And then he fell too low

And so he called
All the wise men to the hall
And begged them for a gift
To end the rises and the falls

And here's the thing
They came back with a ring
It was simple and was plainly
Unbefitting of a king

Engraved in black
It had no front or back
But there were words around the band that said
Just know: This Too Shall Pass


September 13, 2014 Saturday 4:33 PM


I feel as if I'm alright. Also, I read something today that reminded me that it has been about fourth months since I last cut myself. I should probably be proud? It's difficult for me to see cutting as wrong. Maybe it's a sign that something is not right but.. Is it really sinful?

I liked seeing the blood. I liked focusing on one, single thing. I liked the color. I liked the shock. I liked the ache it left. I liked the scars. The only issue was that it was a very temporary solution.

But yeah, I haven't done it in quite awhile. I haven't even been tempted. Actually, once, I tried doing it but I couldn't find my sharp thing so I didn't. Success?

I don't know. If I don't have a release, doesn't the storm inside me just because more dense? I can't make myself look away as it destroys everything.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

I feel good. Well, physically, I'm still a little sick BUT I FEEL REALLY NICE. I feel energetic and creative. I am curious about things and my thoughts are just the right pace. They aren't sad!

Also, I looked at myself in the mirror today, and thought, "Huh. I'm cute."

THIS IS REALLY GOOD. I mean, I'm wearing gym shorts and the same sweater I wore all day yesterday. My ponytail is falling apart. I'm not wearing makeup. My lip is a little cracked because yesterday, I tried smiling while my lips was really dry. I'm wearing glasses.

Normally, I'd be all, "I'm gross," but today, naw. Ugh my parent's keep breaking my thought patterns! That is my pet peeve. When I'm writing, I'll finish a lot faster if you don't pester me.

WHEN YOU CONTINUE PESTERING ME EVERY TWO SECONDS ABOUT ME BEING LAZY AND OTHER DUMB COMMENT, I LOSE MY CONCENTRATION AND IT TAKES ME A FEW MINUTES TO REMEMBER WHERE MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HEADING TOWARDS.

It's really annoying.

I feel happy. OH MY GOD THERE THEY GO AGAIN. PARENTS, SHUT UP. DO YOU REALIZE THAT I HAVE BEEN CLEANING FOR LIKE FOUR HOURS??? I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN SITTING FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES. I GOT UP HALFWAY THROUGH THIS ENTRY TO CLEAN. EVERY SINGLE TIME I START REMEMBERING WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE, THEY START YELLING AT ME, OH MY GOD.

I love my mom and dad but they are such parents. That's why I liked the movie Kings of Summers so much. THEIR PARENTS WERE JUST AS TERRIBLY IRRITATING AS MINE. They're great at being parents but

OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THERE THEY GO AGAIN. GUYS. PARENTS. LOVELY PEOPLE. BE QUIET. PLEASE. DEAR GOD, BE QUIET.

DO YOU SEE THAT. I WROTE THREE FUCKING LINES AND BAM! BAM, THEY ONCE AGAIN HAD SOMETHING TO SAY.

Okay, I'm calm. No, I'm not. But whatever, I'm moving on.

I'M GLAD I FEEL CUTE. Feeling pretty is really nice. I ate a big breakfast this morning and even though that always makes me feel a little like my thighs are growing way too big for my body, it still felt

GUYS, BE QUIET. MOM AND DAD. SHUT UP. STOP TALKING TO ME, PLEASE. IT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAT EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS ABOUT ME BEING A TERRIBLE DAUGHTER OR SOMETHING.

DO THEY NOT KNOW I'D BE DONE BY NOW IF THEY HAD NOT INTERRUPTED ME THIS MUCH???? They're wise and stuff but I don't understand their blindness sometimes. Also, does my dad think I don't notice when he "super casually" tries reading over my shoulder? Go away, dad.

"Oh, so it's a secret?" says my dad. DAD. GO AWAY. YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL'S THOUGHTS, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR MY THOUGHTS. IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING.

Okay. I have to go. I'm sorry, but they won't shut up and I can't concentrate.

I feel bad talking about them being annoying because they try to be the best that they can be but I think I've earned the right, because usually, I'm really nice to them.

Well, more to my mom. I get in a lot of fights with my dad. We've never really clicked. I'm very emotional and he's a scientist. He always observes things without tainting them with personal stuff.

I'm the exact opposite.

OKAY, GOOD AFTERNOON. Time to prepare for a dinner we are hosting. Ughhhh.

Hooray for normal, happy thoughts.


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