My Eyes, Heart, & Soul
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2014-09-10 01:11:07 (UTC)

How Do I Act?

Dear Diary,

So, I know it's been a long time, but another time has come where I need to write all my feelings out again. I've been dating this guy for about two months now, and I love him so much. My biggest fear is not being good enough. See, he's six years older than I am so he has had a lot more life experience than me. I'm so afraid of losing him. I've given things to him that I've never given to anyone. We haven't had sex, because I don't want to do that until I get married, and I'm afraid of what he thinks about that...
I mean, we talked about that right when we started dating and he said he didn't want to pressure me and that he loved me for who I was and the physical attraction wasn't everything. Still, I can't help but be afraid that I'm not good enough. My weight isn't the greatest and I'm kind of afraid of what he'll think when he comes to visit me on Thursday at college. I just...I just get so scared...I don't want him to get bored of me.
I don't want to leave him because I really do love him, I'm just afraid of who I am and that he will tire of me and I'll be left broken even worse than last year.
I also get insecure when I'm with him and I think that bothers him. I just start saying how I feel, which is stupid. I should just shut up and try and be confident. I just feel so inadequate...
If anyone reads this, please help me and send me prayers. I don't want to be so afraid anymore. I don't want to lose that confident joy I had when we first met and at the beginning of our relationship. This long distance stuff is just really hard.

Thanks for caring <3