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"Skin" by BOY
His home is where his heart is at the parties that he roams.
He tells himself he can't be lonely cause he's never on his own,
But all the friends he makes at night, in the morning they are gone,
And he's left with his four walls, his aching head, his silent phone
You can feel like a part of something if you're part of the scene
You can make your life look pretty add a little ice and gin,
Wash off the make-up and prepare the aspirin
Well you can get out of this party dress but you can't get out of this skin.
I got asked out today. *sigh*
That's flattering but it only happens about once a year. Last year it was a guy in my shop class and when I said no, he said, "You think I'm ugly?" Nah he wasn't ugly. I told him the real fucking problem. I don't KNOW HIM like at all. ONE TIME A GUY ASKED ME OUT THROUGH A NOTE. A NOTE. Okay, I get it, that would be fine except for, again, I DIDN'T KNOW HIM.
This year it was at lunch. I was sitting alone. I can see why it'd happen 'cause I think I was pretty damn cute from wherever he sat. I had on my purple flowery skirt and a black t-shirt with symbols of some kind on them, some black vans and my hair matched the skirt so....
I mean... If I can admit I looked nice, then I definitely looked good.
THINGS THAT WHOEVER ASKED ME OUT DID WRONG:
1. He didn't ask me out himself. He sent his friend.
2. No name, nothing
3. We've nEVER TALKED. What if I was a psycho bitch??? I mean I'm a bit off, but that's not what I mean. I guess I'm mad because no one tries to be my friend first. Like, please, try to know me first.
You're gonna hate me if you ask me out and find out I'm super awkward and all that. I'm difficult, haha. Just be my friend. I'm not kidding, please be my friend, I am lacking and I know I seem unfriendly but just TALK TO ME UNTIL I'M COMFORTABLE. DO IT. I DON'T CARE. I HATE HOW SLOW I AM AT MAKING FRIENDS ugh.
Not that I'm complaining about those lil microscopic bits of attention I do get. They are really nice and they raise my self esteem. But for real, if he actually wanted to go out with me, he shoulda talked to me.
THANKS ANYWAY, STRANGE KID FROM LUNCH. CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS A LOSER. I WAS SITTING ALONE AND DOING HOMEWORK.
Speaking of that; this year is hard. I'm throwing myself into school work but it isn't the work that is hard.
I'm mostly alone. Sitting in lunch alone, where I never eat, in most classes alone, alone before school starts. I am not particularly social but I was always surrounded by people I knew. This is completely different and it pushes me way out of my comfort zone.
I'm prepared to deal with it, but friends are nice. I don't know how to make them.
I've also gotten really cynical. I start hating random people for random things. That's awful. I don't know them, how can I hate them? I think it's because I have a feeling they've already decided who I am, which makes me mad for obvious reasons.
I wish I was outspoken. Life for me would be so much easier. Dayum.
Nice afternoon, y'all. Today was a sucky day (in short: it was like searching crowds for people you know are there, but you still can't find them) but I'm in a pretty good mood.
I've been keeping my head above water and that is enough to comfort me when I walk home with lists of everything gone wrong in my head.