Dinoraur.

Reality.
2014-09-01 23:12:03 (UTC)

Black.

It's wonderful when know one cares about you. It's wonderful to hear these hurtful things, when I'm already worse than I've actually told anyone. It's great that I didn't have to lie ablut what I ate today. Ready: my depression has broke so far, that these last three days, I've screwed up.. Well, I don't think I have, but..
Anyway, yeah. It's great when no one gives a flying shit about you.
It's great when your boyfriend apparently doesn't understand any of your personality or anything anymore, and doesn't realize the severity of your depression. It's wonderful when he hurts you more.
It's wonderful when you're starving, but you've been doing so good.
Isn't it wonderful when your whole life completely falls apart, to the point there is no fixing it, and absolutely no one cares, or understands, or is even there to try and help you? I know. It's perfect. It's perfect to feel like trash. To feel so unwanted, and hated, and misunderstood, and not good enough, and just. No one freaking gets it! Do they not notice any fucking change! Doesn't anyone see how fucking sad I am! I bawled my eyes out last night while my boyfriend was listening, and I just get about how he is depressed too. And more crap that depresses me today. Woot woot. Thank you. You were sweet at some points. But seriously? We fought the whole time. I can feel my heart shattering. I can feel my body breaking. I've never been so vunerable or broken in my life. And you are being like this? I don't fucking have ANYONE. Not a single person, despite your confusion.
I purposely try to not see Kali, and ignore her in the halls. That's saying something.
I'm sad. I really am.
How great is it to be so hopeless, with no way or reason to get back up?
I'm hurt. I'm hurt and dissapointed by everyone. By my mom. Her husband. Every "friend".. Like I actually have friends.. Him.
I'm done. I'm sorry. I'm done. I'll keep moving on, all alone. I'll continue focusing on other people and their crap, like I always have, and never take time for mine. I can't get any closer to the bottom. So it isn't like it matters.




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