"Quiet" by This Will Destroy You [This is an instrument focused song, so there are no lyrics. This kind of music reminds me of mountains. It's beautiful and calming and it kind of disturbs me, for some reason]
QUOTE: "The question that sometimes drives me hazy -- am I or the others crazy?" -Albert Einstein
August 30, 2013 Saturday 2:01 PM
That quote reached my spine. It invaded me and became me. That sounds strange, I know, but it did. I felt it on a level. Which level? I dunno. I feel stupid trying to explain, so I won't. I'll spare myself the pain.
My mind is at rest, yet it's extremely active. I am alive. I can feel everything, but nothing hurts. My anxiety lingers but it doesn't attack. I can't... I wish I could share this. I have been productive and actually HAPPY. Yeah, that's fucking right, happy.
This is the best I've felt in awhile.
I am super talkative, which is really annoying, but pretty nice, too. I'm finally sharing again. When I feel bad, everything causes me pain but I feel pretty invincible right now. I'm only worried about starting school on the fourth.
I have been writing and editing for hours at a time. I painted my shoes to look like the cover of the album Ghost by Radical Face. If you want to see what they look like, here; http://be-yondrepair.tumblr.com/post/96035729799
I am doing things again! It's great! I don't expect this to last very long, honestly. I am creative and happy in small spurts. After that comes the feeling of being content but not happy. Then comes depression. I appreciate the happiness, anyway.
The night before last night, I fell asleep wonderfully. It wasn't the hard, uncomfortable, restless sleep I'm used to. It was deep. The only issue is that I only slept for four hours and then I was tossing and turning after that. I got up and watched Criminal Minds.
I always wanted to watch it but they didn't have it on Netflix and I don't have cable. WOW, I LOVE IT. ESPECIALLY REID. HE IS ADORABLE.
This entry doesn't seem okay. I don't like it. Whatever.
I wish there was a way kids could volunteer to look at cadavers. Not in a psycho wow-let's-kill-someone or a necrophiliac type way, but...
Like, to see if you get queasy or not. Because I have always had a fascination with dead bodies (my dad said Michael Angelo did, too, and I replied that Hitler sketched his mother's dead body for six hours).
I would like to draw one. This might sound sick, but I also kind of want to see a murdered body. Yeah, it's tragic and horrifying, but I can't stop myself from being a little detached from the situation. I'm just interested in the gory details. How exactly did they die????
Ever since I was little. I remember in second grade, I was fascinated with the death of Anastasia and her family. I used to watch all the National Geographic specials on their family and I'd do research. I'd try to find pictures of their dead bodies but could only ever find the wall where they were lined up and executed.
IT'S WEIRD because I'm fascinated with a shitload of stuff:
Greek Mythology (and some others, but I know so much more about Greek)
The color of blood
The history of violence
Wow, seriously, the story of the Romanov's (Anastasia) is really interesting.
OKAY THIS ENTRY IS DONE. Yeah. Good.
HEY!!! Turns out I'm not as lazy as I thought I was! I'm just depressed!!! YayyY!!!!!!