2014-08-26 01:31:12 (UTC)

What a Selfish, Horrible, and Ungrateful person

My friends are fighting, not just any friends- my best friends. Some people really don't think that is a big deal, but to me it is. With my 'problem' I have it causes me to not make as many friends as others. So to me friends are a big deal. It takes a lot for me to actually call you a "friend" and as soon as you become one of mine- you'll probably notice i'm loyal as hell and protective too.

I'll admit: I'm a horrible person, just the two of them fighting and actually NEEDING someone to help settle things and see it from a neutral ground makes me a bit happy. Not completely, with them fighting and all. But just the feeling of being NEEDED by them.

It's a nice feeling when you feel like a worthless piece of shit like how I feel most of the time. But these two people are VERY important to me... not just because they give me the feeling of being needed and wanted- but because they can make me forget the things that make me upset. Like make me smile, I don't tell them this though cause it seems like they have enough on their shoulders.

That warm place that I've talked about before... in "Who am I?" my gut tells me that they are a part of that place.

I'm a selfish, horrible, and ungrateful person. Thats a part of who I am. Selfish- wanting to feel wanted and needed. Horrible- feeling great while they are suffering, knowing they need me. Ungrateful- for not feeling this is enough... I still feel empty when these amazing people care about me.

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