zoe

a step forward
2014-08-23 14:30:11 (UTC)

entry interrupted with bad news :/

dear diary,
what a new start!!! verry welcoming (-_-) (note the sarcasm in there)
i was thinking of how am i going to start this entry, my phone went off making my humour dropping dead down to the floor!! i know ... i know sounds weird
i switched off my phone for the last 2 days, and me being me,i switched it on again. the minute i switched it, it started going crazy with messages from my ex and also viber couldn't stay quiet. he says that he misses me so much, i even remember the day i told him that we shouldn't date anymore he started crying on the phone, the thing is ... i lied to him so we can stop going out together. I LOOK LIKE A MONSTER TO YOU ... i know :/ you're right, but i have my reasons.
from the day we started going out together to the day before i decided to dump him, all i thought about was dumping him, and all i felt was regret. the only thing that made me stay with him for 6 months and a half was because i felt sympathy for him ... untill i went for a vaccation with my familly and my best freind's familly, it's a place where it is hard to call and be reached, let alone the internet, there's none. so i barely talked to him, even when i went to the beach ... i could call from there, i didn't and that was by choice. my best freind doesn't like my ex boyfreind, at first i was mad at him but on our little vaccation i understood why. i realised how much i was free, i could wear whatever i pleased without being judjed, i could hang out with my best freind all the time, i laughed like a crazy person, i swear i didn't laugh like that since a long time ago, let's say since almost 7 months.
my ex always judjed me, telling me to not wear skinny jeans because he thought i looked fat but still said i had a perfect body, when i started loosing weight, i lost 13 kilos, i didn't loose them for him but loosed them for me and on purpose because he told me not to. he addmitted it indirectly that he liked me fat. just so you know i was curvy, now that i lost weigh i look kindof normal but still alliiiiiiitle bit. he doesn't like me talking to guys even to my classmates, he tells me to do things i don't desire and when i reject he goes telling all my freinds that i never do anything for him while he always sacrified for me (no!! he didn't but always looks like it, he knows how to manipulate people :/ ) then my freinds come blaming me and over all of THIS ... he writes quotes on facebook that even the dumpest people would realise that it is wroten for me, he makes it looks dramatic and makes him THE innocent. i remember when we had a talk about his exs he said that they always did what he wanted them to do, but me i never did what he wanted ... the thing is ... if he demanded something simple i'd do it just like a favor, but all he demanded was pictures of me, to kiss me and me to kiss him and hug him and he made it clear that he wanted to have sex with me ... eeewwwwwww (no i'm not lesbien but i can't even imagine doing it) all my mind is focused on my studies and whenever i say i have to study he gets mad, and because of him my marks went down on the last term last year even my teachers couldn't beleive it :/ ooh!! and he doesn't like it when i talk to my freinds too, he always said : " your studies and freinds always have been first" the truth is i left my freinds for him in order to give him time and i forgot about my studies for because i thought he was right. and no he wasn't.
all i wanted to say is that i can't live with someone controlling my existance making me hide my true self ... hide who i am really
GREAT!! a freind of mine just called and when i told her the truth she said maybe we should get back together. NO NO NO and a BIG FAT NOOOO!!! i can't go back with someone who wants things from me and controlls me like a doll.
WOW!! i wrote too much, got to go
continue my life and maybe sit with my uncle and have allitle chat,since he's staying for about a week, we get along very well.
byyy




Ad: