LustingforNightmares

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2014-08-20 17:23:19 (UTC)

Friends and Stuff

August 20, 2014 5:24 PM Wednesday


I almost put 2012 instead of 2014. Okay.

I forgot to mention a major thing Pat said. She said that it didn't seem like I was hanging out with like-minded people.

I mentioned that with Aaron and Laney, I don't really love talking to them all that much because we always talk about superficial stuff (sorry if I sound dumb. I feel dumb. Ah, lack of sleep.) like shoes and soccer and people at school.

I guess Lily is my only real life "like-minded" friend because we talk about deep stuff. Not all the time, obviously, but that's better than nothing at all. Besides, I kinda know that even though we're not always talking about it, we're thinking it. Like in the back of my mind at all times, I have these thoughts that I want to express to other people, and I think she's the same way.

Pat also said that college will probably be a better time for me because I'll meet people with different ways of thinking.

What she meant is that my friends are not stupid or anything, but they avoid talking about important stuff. For example, politics. If politics are brought up, they get really defensive about "their" point of views ("their" because most of those point of views are taken from their parents).

I always feel unsatisfied talking to my friends about stupid things like cute clothes and whatnot. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I like talking about those things but it gets boring if we never, ever talk about the universe.

I really like the universe. Why does anyone avoid talking about this vast world???

That just made me think; if there was someone in the world who was exactly like a human but much smarter, would they go insane? I mean, having all that information and awareness can kill you. That's not exactly a new thought but... the point is, I'd like to speak about this stuff.

I wish I was better at making friends. Then, maybe, I'd meet some people more like me.

(For some reason, everything I say annoys the fuck out of me).


OKAY, I'm going to do a quick name list since it has literally been like one year and nine months since I last made one.

Lily - my grade school best friend, since first grade. I accidentally introduced her to her new best friend anddd yeah. We're still friends, though, and she is the friend I have the most in common with. We're dorks who love minecraft and Harry Potter.

Laney - my fried who has a passion for baking and soccer. Also a diabetic, which adds irony to the whole baking situation. She started a baking business with Lily but talks to me about how she doesn't think Lily really likes it that much. Lily does like it, but I don't think it's what she dreams of doing when she grows up. They get a lot of jobs, actually. Friend since grade seven, although I've known her since I was little.

Aaron - my friend since second grade (she was also my second ever school friend, wow). I don't think we were ever super close. I think I was a bitch to her when I was younger and now we don't talk a lot. We don't text or anything. We're pretty much only friends because we've always been friends.

Pat - my therapist for about a year.

J - a school friend I used to have a crush on.

Jo - "first kiss" but we both pretend that never happened, which is easy since I see him about twice a year.

Caroline - my almost twenty one year old sister who currently lives at home due to a mental breakdown last October when she was at college. She is busy these days and we barely talk now (which really, really, really sucks), but she's my role model. She's always been nice to me and never treated me in that patronizing little sister way. She makes me feel like an equal. We have that awesome sister bond :D

Ethan - our neighbor from across the street, a year younger than Caroline, attending the same college. They're very good friends and used to date. He is a smart ass who I think has trouble empathizing with others, but he's super intelligent which I am very jealous of. Together, him and my sister are going to a foreign country. I think they'll be gone for three or more months.

Erica - a girl that I used to be friends with. Because she was often busy and I am terrible at sustaining friendships, we're not really friends anymore. I kinda wish we were, but she might just be another Laney or Aaron. Another person who I'd force myself to talk to about school work and TV shows. Not saying she's not smart, she is. It feels like my fault we're not friends but I think that it'd be too hard.

Stephanie - She lives down the street and is my sister's age. She and my sister were best friends all through school. Used to change my diapers. Basically a second sister. We used to call her an oreo because although she was adopted from Haiti (and just in case you don't get it, she's black), her soul is whiter than we are. The whole shabang. Religious, polite. Meanwhile we don't believe in god (excepting my mom) and we're those weird neighbors with eclectic taste in decoration. She's teaching me to drive!!!! Stephanie is a great teacher. She doesn't come around a lot and Caroline isn't too excited when she does. That makes me sad, but I guess I understand. They grew up to be very different people.

Brock - I will be mentioning him a lot. He is a social worker at school. He is one of the leaders of Roy G Biv and he also heads Peer Leadership. I think he's really cheesy but I like the clubs he's created.

Umm... I think that's it. I don't know a lot of people.


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