Ad 2:
2014-07-29 11:35:31 (UTC)

Lost Dreams

"Sleeper 1972" by Manchester Orchestra

My mother lies
Alone on her back at night
Adding up hours till her demise
She counts herself to sleep
I still see you everywhere
You told me this had always been worth living
What's worth living anymore?

July 29, 2014 Tuesday 12:38 PM

First of all:

1. Shit

2. Shit

3. Fuck

4. I have stuff I should be doing

5. Ah, fuck it

I should look for my permission slip to go to a meeting for this co-counseling club I'm a part of. I'm glad I didn't get involved in the women's right club. Not because I don't care about women's rights, but because I'm not entirely sure that is the top priority right now.

Does that make sense? Sometimes, I feel like women overreact to all this. They try protecting themselves by ACTING like men, and that seems like the exact opposite of rooting for women.

Women and men are different. That doesn't mean the only way to be respected is to act like a man. That's ridiculous. Strong women can make people fucking wet their pants.

Also, there is a domestic abuse thing where people will pay attention with the person being beat is a woman but NOT if the person being beat is a man. That makes no sense. There are a lot of problems, but I feel like I don't know enough yet. I just think some of the things feminists want don't make that much sense.

I really DO want to be equals, so I gotta be careful what I do to get there. People have apparently already decided that men and women aren't equivalent so now I have to find out why.

OKAY RANT OVER. I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT MY DREAM. I got lost again but no deep water. Wait, no... There was water. The water that hung above us (it's a fucking dream, rules don't apply) was apparently supposed to be for those who were alive. The water we were wading through below us was for the dead. Between that was a small-ish sliver just large enough for my head. That was for people who were in between. I was inbetween alive and dead.

We'd been trying to get into a museum and that's why we were trecking through such a place, ahah. Before that, in my dream, I woke up at four in the morning to a girl outside my house. It was Erica.

She's been my friend for a couple years and I'm pretty sure that she and depressed-hispanic-guy have a thing. That's nice, they're cute together (and yeah, I have a crush on him, but I've noticed I'm not really the jealous type when it comes to people).

So yeah, she said she ran away from home because it was shit. We went to the museum, her, me, and Lily. It was really fun until they got ahead of me somehow and when I caught up, they were gone. There were like four different ways they could've gone and I had no idea which one they did go. The employee I talked to was no help. She sent me on this weird elevator with my bike and another kid. The elevator was so bad. The door was a flimsy piece of cloth and the floor was too. So basically i almost fell out a bunch and ended up grabbing the collar of the poor kid in the elevator.

The floor she sent me to was the top floor and it was a fucking dog show. So i had to find another way back downstairs but by that time, she was going around turning off the museum lights and telling me to calm down (I didn't have my phone so I had no way of communication... at all). The museum was all emptied and finally I asked her to show me a way out but... she never did.

I got lost again and it really struck me deep. I woke up scared. Not terrified out of my wits, but it felt so real and it was DEFINITELY a nightmare, not a bad dream.

I'll go now. I feel terrible, like I could sleep for another hour or two but I can't let myself. I already feel like crap. So numb.