kiddo16

NaivetY & ChildhooD LefT BehinD
2014-07-25 20:28:48 (UTC)

In pain

Most of the time... there's a lot kept inside but I don't know how to voice it out.. to put words to all those feelings. 2 more day of fasting and Ramadan will leave us. Eid will come in place. Already now I'm feeling so lonely with all the happenings at work. Got no one for me to confide in to just let all my feelings and frustration out. Instead I kept swallowing all in and hate myself more. Sigh! Nowadays I even hate to see myself in the mirror. Believe it or not. But oh well, Eid is something that everyone is looking forward to but not me. It's the time of the year where I see smiles in people's faces but not on my face. I only end up green with envy. It's hard to look up and be oblivious of the surrounding. Everywhere I look will represent the things that I'm missing out in life. Yes I'm lonely. Its gonna get worse because of the situation I faced at work with me hating myself more and more. They say the more you pray, God will definitely answer your prayers. And when God didn't, it is more because it's for your own good. I guess the problem lies with me. The reason why I'm fated to be lonely. The thoughts in my mind are going crazily wild and I'm just afraid that I could no longer take it anymore. 27 years of my life... it has always been this way. No smile on my face coz I have no right to it. No happiness for me because sadness works best for me. Yes, the problem is me. I'm tired of living really. Everyday I woke up, I told God that I'm just doing all this for him. Life is so meaningless. So yea, Eid is coming... it'll become more painful. All I want to do now is just to get out of this painful situation. Really? There's more to it but for now, the brain can only work these words to come out of it.




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