Metallicminds
The Metallic life
Current life update
Ever since my grandfather passed away a couple weeks ago, things haven't been the same. I've felt constantly exhausted and tired since then, I haven't been able to perform correctly at work as I normally do, my focus and concentration has been down and I've been more forgetful then I normal. My drive and motivation, has gone down as well as feeling a bit more agitated. Maybe it was just utter shock with a combination of feeling like I over worked my mind, body and soul since then. It's confusing to me really because I normally snap back to my usual self quickly when serious issues happen (like the death of a family member). Maybe I'm getting older and less immune to the harder issues in life.
Since my grandfathers death a couple weeks ago, I got to admit, I took his passing pretty hard. I think one thing that made that whole scenario much harder for me (on top of the lack of food and sleep during that week) was that I'm that I've been in denial with my emotions. My grandfather as well as my grandmother on my moms side and my grandfather on my dad's side, seeing then pass away was very hard for me. The reason was because I was close to them. Seeing how my grandmother on my dad side is slowly going as well, I don't know. Maybe I should focus on letting my grieving side out since I never got to grieve at all. The following week I was thrown back into work where I once again have to attend to a split shift. I have to open the store from 9 am to 11 am, then I return back the same day to work from 5:30 pm and close at 12 am (1 am on Fridays). I felt agitated with my employer mainly because I knew my employer would tack on an additional work load after I returned. I felt agitated because I felt my employer wouldn't give me the option of being human (time off work after my grandfathers passing the following week). Just to get an understanding out there, I don't get lunch breaks at all. I'd sure be damn lucky if I ever get a 10 min break (which is hard to get. I know, this is illegal in California).
I've been good at pushing myself despite my emotions simply because it's something I've practiced for years so I'm good at it. Life for me has never allowed me to have some down time when I truly needed it, life has always been get up and go. Unfortunately, death of a family hasn't allowed me to stay down, it's always been get up and go irregardless of how bad life is. � of the people I come across don't care and are glad I have them. Stemming from my perspective, these types of life experiences are nothing more then a game of charades. The only thing I truly apologize as of right now is the fact that toning is the only moment I have to truly feel human. Tomorrow, it's up and early to set up "all" the equipment at my job from 9 to 11 am, clock out and return to work a 5:30 pm to 12 am shift.
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