Aeryn Sun

Uncharted Territories
2014-07-06 23:48:54 (UTC)

Wrong Approach

I feel like whatever is going on betw me and Burma is going to come to an end. I've been a mixed bag of emotions the last few days and I don't know why; I know I'm not thinking logically but don't know how to fix it.

His mom has been visiting this week so I've tried to give him space to spend time w/ her. We haven't texted much like we're used to doing and haven't seen each other as much either. When I do text him it takes forever for him to respond and he's not as responsive as I'm used to. I spend Friday w/ him and his friends and mom. At first I could tell that he was a more reserved than usual but as the day wore on he became more his affectionate self. I guess that's fine b/c I would be the same way if we were around my family. Then Saturday went dancing. He was all over the place, couldn't stay still, seemed like he was running from something. He seemed worried about his mom telling things about his past, even though there didn't seem to be anything to be really embarrassed about. Something just didn't seem right. Aside from a text this morning saying that we weren't going tubing, I haven't heard from him all day. We sorta made tentative plans to go out tonight but right now I don't see that happening. His mom is supposed to go visit some friends in Austin, Idk if she will or not but I want to spend time alone w/ him, not for sex but just to be w/ him.

Today I did some snooping and found out that his engagement might have ended this past March/April, when I was under the impression that it ended last yr. Now I feel as though I'm the rebound. I'm too old to accept that position in a guy's life. I'm looking for something serious, stable, long term-ish. I shouldn't have snooped. Social media really does put a strain on relationships. I wonder if he's really over her. Finding this out brought the same feelings as when I found out that I was VI's consolation prize since he couldn't have his dream girl; a feeling that he doesn't belong to me, I have no claim on him and I want someone for myself. I'll talk to him about it, just don't know when.

I'm not known for my patience, but I'm trying to wait and see if/when he'll contact me. I wish his mom would leave soon so things can go back to the way they were.

I keep wondering why we met, what the point of us crossing paths and I haven't come up with an answer. If this thing doesn't work out, which I'm fearing it won't, I wish we'd never met. I was perfectly fine before I met him. I was finally accepting that I'll be forever alone and now I'm lost, now I don't want to be on my own. I've been thinking about us as a couple, but I see that that was the wrong approach. We're not a couple, we're just dating/occasionally going out together/nothing serious/no claim on the other. As soon as I start to really see this, I can go back to being happy by myself and not be stuck on him. I wonder why having his mom here has changed things.




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