LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2014-07-02 18:50:55 (UTC)

I Tried

Wednesday, July 2, 2014 7:51 PM


The weirdest thing just happened. I got an e-mail for a diary called, "Leah" and I was all like, "That's not so weird, I follow a lot of diaries."

I checked it. It said she was thirteen. The entry I read began with her being under a bridge and I thought, "That's so fucking weird, my friend did that the other day. Lily????"


AND IT WAS LILY'S. IT WAS LILY'S DIARY. WHAT CONFUSION. I TOLD HER ABOUT IT AND SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T CARE IF I READ IT OR NOT WHICH I OF COURSE TAKE AS, "HELL YEAH, READ IT."

Right around now, I'd think about how I'd feel if someone I knew read my diary. I'd be thrilled! Although I shouldn't be told unless it's an emergency, because then I'd end up overthinking it and changing my writing to please the reader.

On another note, I tried being medication free for two days. I failed. I took 50 mg of serioquel an hour ago. The withdrawal side effects were killing me. I did everything right, but I was (am) itchy all over, felt like puking, like my head was expanding...

The good thing is I have a sound mind. I'm not sad. Or happy. I'm just... there.

I'm kind of tired.

I wish depressed-hispanic-dude would give me a reason to dislike him. But nooo. No, he's gotta be smart and all that. Shut the fuck up, Veronica.

I feel really out of it but at least my bipolar symptoms aren't showing. God, i cringe at being bipolar.

I feel like saying, "SHUT THE FUCK UP." to everyone. I'm okay, though. Sorry if my thoughts are scattered.

(My mom is in the background singing music in spanish: "i'm so scared to exist" is a lyric. Also she's meowing. People wonder why I'm a weird person, haha. I love her so much.)


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