I'm being such a fucking jerk. I don't know how to convey to others that I'm sad so what I do is I get over-the-top angry. I get mad about tiny things and fucking yell at the top of my lungs. I am being a bitch. I know. I'm being mean for no reason. I realize.
I just don't know what to do. This is killing me. There is nothing I want to do yet I loathe doing nothing. I hate crying but I can't stop. My stomach burns and that won't stop either. My parents keep asking me if I'm anxious and I keep telling them to go away because mainly, I'm really sad.
I feel depressed and alone. I feel hideous. My room reflects my feelings. It's really messy. Me too. I'm dressed up to go out but everyone in my house is busy. I want to go shopping. I haven't bought anything in like two months and I feel like it'd attack the depression on one front. Maybe if I feel good on the outside, I'll feel better inside.
Oh great. My nose is runny and red again. At least it isn't so bad that my nose looks huge. Why do I even care? Fuck.
I feel really lonely and I'm not what to do. My brain is telling me to reach out to friends but I don't even know how they'd begin to make me feel better. I'm tired of being needy.
I'll go now. I have nothing better to do but I also have nothing else to say.