LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2014-06-23 22:31:26 (UTC)

Had (Happy-Sad)

"Ocean Breathes Salty" by Modest Mouse

Your body may be gone, I'm gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again.
Well I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, don't think so.


Monday June 23, 2014 11:38 PM


I'm here at Lily's, spending the night. We're watching Undercover Bosses, it's entertaining. I'm typing on my phone which is super annoying. I just wanted to let go of some thoughts. I'm still happy and sad. I'm glad to be around my friends again. My heart hurts so much, with the empty depressed feeling that lingers.

I loved being with Lily and Laney, today. They are such beautiful people, inside and out and farther out and farther in. Just everything about them is so... It's completely themselves and I absolutely love that.

Briefly, we discussed the depressed Hispanic crush of mine. They don't know he's my crush (I had enough trouble telling Lily I liked J AFTER THE FACT).

So they were talking about his anonymous asks and I joined in as if I had no idea what they were talking about. Even though some of those asks were from me. They assumed every single question asked was by one person when I know for a fact that's untrue. I couldn't say anything though.

Them saying the anons were slightly creepy (even though laney was referring to an ask by someone else) makes me want to stop.

I'm just so fucking curious and ready to be in love, it's kind of difficult even though I am very aware he's head over heels (I've never understood that expression. Why isn't it heels over head?) in love with another girl.

Sometimes I'm adorable, someone just love me?

Eh, I'm needy which is magnified by this depression which I'm hoping will fade.

Alright, well I should go. I'm with Lily and I should be living in the now, not wishing I was cuddling.


Actually to be completely honest, I'm glad I'm here and I'm okay with that.


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