adorablyawkward

my story
2014-06-20 16:34:06 (UTC)

preconceptions

11:34am

Wow. Everything is changing so quickly! I am shocked by the advancements my life has made in the past few days. I did not see this coming at all.

So like my last post said, I went to the lake with J the day before yesterday and it was the first time to really hang out. Well, yesterday, much to my surprise, he asked me to go to the movies with him!

So I went of course. And it was so fun :) It was strange at first to be doing those types of things with him, just due to our past. I just never thought I would ever be on this level with him.

Anyways, the movie was fun and all but the really fun part to me was the drive home.

I had been telling myself that I wanted to just clarify what exactly him & I are. I was going to just straight up ask him, no matter how much that scared me. I'm just the type of person who likes to know where things are at instead of just having to guess.

I'm jumping around a lot here but let me give you another important piece of info. J has been increasingly sweet to me. He will say that he may be starting to like me or things in that manner. But it's like he'll say these things then retract a little bit as soon as he says them. Like he's trying really hard not to give me too much. It's totally obvious too. I've been thinking that he's been doing that because he's afraid of me getting too attached or something like that.

So with that being said, back to last night. We're driving home and he said something that was sweet and then tried to play it off like usual. I just called him out on it though, "You make sure never to give me too much don't you", I said.

He laughed because he realized that I had caught on. I said "I know youre worried about me getting attached or becoming weird if you give me too much but you should know that you don't have to worry about that. I'm not going to."

He stopped me by saying "No, you don't understand. I'm not worried about you getting attached. I'm trying to stop myself from getting attached."

This totally broke down the unspoken barriers and he told all to me. He explained how he's ready to settle down. He just got out of a relationship where he thought about marriage but then realized he couldn't marry the person. So basically, he's done playing games.

So, he wants the next person that he is with to be the person that he is going to marry, that's what he's determined to do. Therefore, he has to make sure that whoever the next person he's with is someone who he would make his wife.

This is the cause of his hesitation. In his words he "wants to make sure he can fall in love with me." It's weird, I had all these preconceptions about him, thinking he was worried about me becoming attached when in all actuality he was worried about himself!

With anyone else I probably wouldn't believe this. But I could sense the sincerity in it.

So this has opened just a whole new thing for us. He tells me I am making it so hard for him not to fall for me. He told me he wants to be so sweet to me and just sweep me off my feet but he's just holding himself back.

we're talking about all of this and he starts talking about how I am the perfect personality for him, exactly what he's looking for. And it was strange because he says "It's like youre super nice but you're also flirty and kinda sassy. Like you'll say something and flip your hair and be all sassy and I just love it. Or you'll make a smart aleck remark and then you'll flirt with me and I love that you do that. And some of the words you use and your facial expressions just show me you're a fun person."

This made me smile a lot soley because he had been paying that much attention to me that he had noticed these little parts of my personality right down to the detail. I had no clue he was paying that kind of attention to me. (:))

Also, he talks about how he wants "friction". Like he doesn't want someone who is totally submissive to everything he wants to do and isn't afraid to say what is on their mind about what they want. Umm I would have absolutely no problem with that! Like that makes things at least ten thousand times easier because I wouldn't feel like I had to constantly worry about upsetting the other person by going against them like I did in my previous relationship. Why can't everyone be like that?

Oh, he also gave me what I think is the best compliment you can give a girl. He said "You remind me of my mom. The good things about her." Like it's been proven that guys look for girls that are like their mother, subconsciously I assume. I just think that is a great thing.

So, we get back to the place where we met and I really did not want to go. Apparently he didn't want me to go either. So we go drive around a little more and talk. He tells me he would hang out with me all night if he could :)


We get back and I really have to go because my mom would start to worry. Once again, I expect him to kiss me goodbye. I'm about to go out the door and he still makes no advancements.

Well, we had just talked about saying what we think so I just did. "I kinda expect you to kiss me." He says "This is me trying not to get attached." And I say "Well what if I want to kiss you?" and he says "Well then that would be you making me attached to you, so I have no control over that."

So I just did it. I was surprised at my bravery (I hate making the first move as well). I did it, and then I left, just like that.

I'm still waiting for him to make his first kiss move and that's exciting to me.

Anyways, so today he has been telling me i'm perfect and being much more open with how he feels not holding back quite as much (but still to an extent).

In that 30 minute drive home he completely reversed every single preconception that I had about him. I am absolutely thrilled about that.





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