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2014-06-10 17:40:04 (UTC)

Opening Up

[My new absolute favorite song]

"Holding Onto You" by Twenty One Pilots

You are surrounding all my surroundings
Twisting the kaleidoscope
Behind both of my eyes

And I'll be holding on to you

Remember the moment
You know exactly where you're goin'
'Cause the next moment before you know it
Time is slowin' and it's rolling still
And the windowsill looks really nice, right?
You think twice about your life
It probably happens at night, right?

Tuesday June 10, 2014 6:46 PM

I am procrastinating. I've got homework to do. I LOVE THIS SONG, it's probably the most accurate song about fighting depression.

Especially, "It probably happens at night, right?"

Okay, maybe that's not so hard to figure out but... I guess I've just never really heard that specifically said about depression. The night time attacks of sadness.

I opened up to Laney, today. She's my best friend (yes, I finally have one!!!). That felt good to say.

Even though I was only talking about my (resist the urge to say "stupid") crush, it's... a lot for me. I never acknowledged that I could feel things for people, not really.

This is a huge step. God that indent I'm doing.. too large.

Ah, that's better. A lot less work. I didn't tell her it was J, but I talked about him. This (stupid) crush annoys me so much but I'm trying to use it as a learning experience. I'm not expecting a relationship but I figure if I'm preparing for future relationships, I gotta learn to be okay with who I fall for (ew ew ew ew ew ew ew). Plus I'm pretty sure he likes Laney. I

I guess I'm not a jealous person because this doesn't make me... upset in any way. Also, when I had a crush on Laney's boyfriend, I wasn't jealous. So i don't know. Maybe I figure people can sense that my mind is off-limits.

I'm getting disgusted with myself. I guess I shouldn't push my emotional limits, but eh.
I don't know.

I hate imaginary conversations. Halfway through, I remember they're not real and they'll never happen.


The show Orange Is The New Black is amazing. I didn't expect it to be so funny!!! Also... I can relate a bit. Prison is eerily like my time in the mental hospital.

The prison monitors what people own, their meal times, visiting hours. People on the inside trade stuff, you can get stuff at a little store, the pillows are terrible, people search for weapons everywhere.

All this is like my time in the mental hospital. I'll talk about it in more detail later since I don't think I ever have but I can't concentrate right now and I have homework, so bye.

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