promise to myself
After stating that I would give the custody of the kids and the house I got home that night (last week) to find court papers where she has applied for the custody of the kids and branding me a domestic abuser while she was the primary career of the children. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. She claims she is worried that my violent streak may harm the children and then seeking supervised access when I see the children. I couldn’t believe the woman I was loved would stoop this low to achieve what she wants to get. I can’t believe she can tell these lies but that is life.
I have no appetite to fight her and I just want to stick to my original plans but there is a part of me that wants to fight for my honour. Deep down inside I can’t imagine going to court to squabble and just want to walk away from it but whenever I see the allegations again all the fighting spirit inside me wakes up. I have tried talking to close confidants but its slpit down the middle. Some say just do the bigger thing while some say fight for your rights. I am so confused. I am seeking God in this trying times.
I am definitely at the biggest junction of my life. My finances are in tatters, my marriage is over (I received the divorce degree last week Friday) and the final degree is in 6 weeks. I am trying my hardest to get all my business interest going and it is not easy but I may just get an opportunity to drive my business abroad. In the country of my origin. I am seriously considering that.
A lot of people don’t understand why I am still live in the same house with her. It is quite simple. I can’t afford to move out! Moreover I get to see the kids on a daily basis and still play my role. The only way I will move out is if I stop paying the current mortgage and she will only agree to that after an order in court or agreement through mediation.;
One thing I am happy for is that I am not fighting for any tangible thing. I love my children and they know that. We would always be together even if physically apart. It will be tough but I am building myself up for the inevitable breakup from my kids.
I will work damn hard to get it right this time, damn hard! Nothing will stop me, I promise….