Dinoraur.

Reality.
2014-05-25 03:54:10 (UTC)

Cook-out.

I haven't written in several days. I'm sorry. My mind is going a mile a minute today. Today was so overwhelming.
Friday I came to my grandma's. I spent Saturday with my boyfriend. Making cheese, cuddling, and he taught me how to shoot his gun. That was interesting.
Today was his graduation party. They invited me to come along. For the last hour or so we were able to act like a couple, but our story was I was his cousin's friend from work, that way his family wouldn't report a girlfriend back to his parents. I was terrified the whole time. I'm still shaking. My stomach is still extremely tight. He kept bringing me food, and trying to have me eat. I'm serious. I wasn't being stubborn. I literally could not handle food. I feel like I may vomit now even. Food was not a good thing for me to have at the party. I'm still beyond nervous. I have myself convinced they didn't like me. I have each and every person's opinion made in my head. Of what everyone there would say about me. Holy crap. My heart is pounding.
Alright. I still haven't taken a breath today.
My boyfriend fell asleep while we were cuddling. He's so adorable. He keeps denying it, but I know he was asleep. His allergies are acting up really bad right now. I hate it. He's blowing his nose every few minutes. I feel so bad. I wish I could fix it, but, you know, there isn't really anything I can do about that.
Anyhoo, I'm not going to say too much about the party, or the people there. I don't think I want to dig in and open the thoughts. Not that it's all bad things, I'm just saying. I don't feel the need to open up about this. There isn't really anything to open up about.
Gah. I don't even know what to say. My parents almost caught me today, but, we're good.. We're good.
I feel kind of upset. I don't know. I guess, I just miss being in my boyfriend's arms. Feeling his touch. Listening to his sniffles and coughs. Feeling his arms tighten. Have his hands hold mine. To have him kiss me. I just really miss him already. I want him to be here. I want to cuddle, and fall asleep together. To tell him directly right now how insanely in love with him I am. I love him. He's my one and only.
Today was, okay. I don't know. It was way far outside my comfort zone, and already having poor opinions of his cousins didn't help. But, it's all for him. I did enjoy myself. I'm not saying today was bad. Not at all. It was, interesting.
I love his grandparents. I love them a lot. They're so cute. They both mentioned how pretty I was today, which gave me a really good boost. His grandma gave me a big hug when we left the party. They're so cute. I love his grandparents. His pap is perfect as well. He said how pretty I am several times today. He always makes me feel good.
I really like them both.
Mmm. I'm really freezing. I'm quite tired too. I haven't slept in a really long time. Blah. I feel like I owe this diary explanations of everything, but I don't have the energy, and I'm just not in the mood.. I feel upset.
He's staying at his cousin's tonight..
I assume he fell asleep on me. Or just stopped talking to me. He does that a lot. Oh well I guess.
I love you.
I hate contacts.
Two fays now, since it's actually the 26, until it has been five months.

Search this on YouTube: Dark Enough by Amanda Lopiccola.
I've been listening to it non stop for two days straight now. I'm really obsessed with it, and I desperately want to buy it on iTunes, but you can't.. It's an original by that random girl. Not an actual famous singer or anything, and she hasn't out her music on iTunes for some completely stupid reason.
Alright, I'm not even looking at the computer anymore. I'm dead sleepy. I need to go up to bed and try to sleep.
If I wake up early enough, I'll possibly and hopefully explain things more. I'm not sure. I'm still not in the mood to talk.. Each days more and more things come to me. I'm going insane. It's truly hard to balance everything, yet walk around with a big smile on my face.
Alright. Later. Later.
I love you, more than you will ever know.

Ughhhhhhhghghghghgghghghghhghghghghgghghghhghh.

Shoooot! I have homeworkk. Screw it. I'm so exhausted..




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