The Days of my Life
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2014-05-04 10:44:45 (UTC)

my day and thoughts

Sitting here pondering my life. I actually had a great time with my two friends. Jacki and Amy. Jacki ia a great prime example as a great man. He showed me how a woman should be treated. And... if I have more respect for myself. Men will respect me the same. He paid for eveything. Has his together. Opens doors foor woman, and doesnt seek fucking or something in return. He took us gambling. I won. He let me keep my winnings. Adam... complained about rent to me like twice. Him and I agreed on tje 9th. I worked my ass off to pay hin th rest. He cannot stand that I make more than him... and.. he is completely broke. This morning I cleaned the house... and... he just complained about his back... and didnt even hug me... said I love you. Omg... and... i was like... i just wanted to let you know, I really do love you. He said. Thanks... and i said... umm... okay? Ur welcome? He then said... wow attitude! Then said finally... i love you. Frickin... i seriously WAS... done thinking of Josh... and.. poured my heart out to him. All I get is thanks... pisses me off.... all men I attract are fake low lifes... i feel more like a roommate than a girlfriend. He isnt sexual twards me at all... Doesnt like to hug me for long periods of time. At one piont.. I was sexually attracted to him... like intensely. I tried sooo hard to touch him there and here. He would push me away in the beginning everytime I go. Close to it... it took him 4 months to sleep with me :( now... i still dont know whats wrong with him. He cant even stay hard for fucks sakes... idk... i dont feel attracted anymore because... i havent experienced that sort of Love with him to make me want to be like... wow he is sexi. What can he do. No fantasy to our relatioship. People say leave him... leave him... i feel bound cus... he has gotten sooo far on staying clean, having a job... what of he fucks up again. I feel he doesnt love me as much as... i love him.... sux... i cant go to my moms... no room. Cant move out... cant afford it... anyways... he even asked why I was on my phone. So inseciure he is... errrrr.... goodnight