Eel

Loveless

it's been such a long time since i've had someone to hold and call mine. after my brother jacob told me about how he met his boyfriend, a stupid love story... but some aspects of it i found adorable.

i want someone to call mine, like salvador. but i got so pissed last class when jennessa was just talking about everything. how she was his and i remember last year when we play-fought over him, but a part of me wishes i wasn't joking.

phil gave me my first dirty look. i am not surprised. i understand he doesn't wanna talk to me. anger hurts but i do not hate him. i hope he understands. but he's a douche. he's like the rest. and guess what?

he drinks, he smokes, and he's gotten head. the only thing sal does is drinks, and that's occasionally. fuck man. if there's something i realized, it's even though sal may not be as academically suited as phil is, he's so much better of a person than phil is now. sal doesn't flirt, sal doesn't ignore me unless he has a good reason, and sal just gives me hugs. phil never offers any. phil plays dumb. phil even acts like he doesn't know when he had his first kiss with aisha. like what a bitch. what a fuckinggggg bitch, that makes me so angry.

the cycles of the guys i'm attracted to are just cycling. at least i have new gay people to follow on instagram. that makes me very, very happy.
mana's not here for the first time in brit lit. i often think about him for no good reason. i remember when i was friends with him. i remember when i was friends with everyone. now a third of juniors don't even accept my friend requests. isn't that a damn shame?

when i was talking to sal, he told me he had actually thought about being bi, sort of. is that step one? is there mixed signals? should i be worried, should i be happy?

i know the result of this, but i am afraid. he's going to choose jennessa. i know he will.

they like each other. they should be together...