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2014-04-20 08:12:22 (UTC)

Yet Another Nightmare

"Say It Ain't So" by Weezer

Sunday April 20, 2014 9:12 AM

I woke up this morning thinking it must be around noon, but, no, it's nine.

My dad came in my room and placed a chocolate bunny near me. He also left behind my morning pill.

I was woken by my nightmare.


I don't remember my dream completely but I know I was somewhere... like a house. I dunno. In the house was water, like a four foot deep pool. All of my friends were there as well as a doctor.

The doctor came up to me and said, "Something happened to Laney's hippocampi,"

I know hippocampi is the sea horse from greek myths but my brain got the word confused with the hippocampus, the part of your brain deep in there.

The doctor said Laney might live. She said a million medical things I must've heard on television but in particular she said that Laney might suffer from asphyxiation.

I looked up symptoms of damage to the hippocampus and it actually can cause oxygen starvation... so wow.

The rest of my dream was horrifying. We waited for a long time for the ambulance to come, but it never did. I made a lot of jokes during this dream, earlier in it. She wanted me to tell her them but instead I broke down crying because I didn't want her to die.

Weirdly (or maybe this isn't weird and I just have issues about it) I said she was my best friend even though it hasn't been like that for long and she said I was her best friend.

As if. No, I don't tend to be people's best friends. I always have too many secrets. I'd like to share them, if it means getting closer to a fellow human being but I can't. I don't know how.

Anyway, her breathing started getting ragged. I can't describe the fear that ran through me. It was pure agony. There was no feeling that I sometimes have, that bad things that happen to me will make me interesting or mysterious.

Usually that thought is always there: "I want this terrible thing to happen because then I can be mysterious and interesting,"

No, I didn't think anything close to that. I was just scared and my heart hurt. Laney turned into Lily and I held her hand because she was starting to die. I could hear her pounding heart beat, it was working so hard to no avail.

I remember saying, "Please stay alive, please."

And I think then was when she started flickering back and forth between Laney and Lily. I woke up before she could die.

These death dreams scare me away from sleep.

They make me sad.


I'll go now.

Happy Easter!