LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2014-04-19 22:09:47 (UTC)

Oh Look It's A Week Later PART ONE


"Today I Couldn't Think Of A Song" by Even Though I Have A Million On My Youtube Playlist

pretty wise lyrics that cleverly
insert aspects of philosophy
and classic novels
words words words
singing singing singing


Saturday April 19, 2014 11:12 PM

[Thank you that one person who gives me feedback. It's always things I need to hear. Also, to those who hate reading long inner monologues,

number 1: why are you on this site
number 2: i get really into it in this entry. I ramble but I also reveal. Ya feel?

oooh rhyming. ]


Ughhh in less than an hour spring break is almost over. I should be excited because my fifteenth birthday is this week but all I see is school.

All I see is getting ready for Geometry regents and feeling incredibly useless in shop class. I love getting my hands dirty but I'm bad at it. If you wanted me to, I'd try and fix your sink and stuff but I can't because I suck at shop.

I know if I learned this stuff one-on-one with the teacher, I'd be great at it but I suck in groups.

The worst part is that I know that I will need to know how to work in groups in order to make it through life so shop just gives me an all-around terrible feeling.


Maybe it's just me but on a different note, I think the word "terrible" more accurately describes a sharp feeling of fear than the word "horrible". You know how people say that one thing

"horror terror
horrible terrible
horrific terrific"


and then they say, what happened here? Even though things can be TERRIFIC and not HORRIFIC

I really just think the T makes things so much more.. stabbing? Piercing. Yeah i hope that's the word.

This whole entry is gonna be random tidbits of what goes through my mind. Partly because we just hosted a dinner with my family's newish friends who are really, really nice and I like them.

And partly because I had a glass of wine.

And I'm tired.

And I built some greek-style temples in minecraft which took forever. I even made a working door using redstone.

And I have to do regents review tomorrow

And I finished my book AND I JUST REALIZED I SHOULD'VE BEEN READING FOR ENGLISH OVER BREAK GODDAMNIT.

I'll just use the book that explains philosophy through jokes. That book is awesome.


I had a weird nightmare last night. These past couple dreams have been weird. The other night I was a lesbian and everyone hated me after I dated this one girl.

In my dreams, I often float between bodies and I'm not myself most of the time. I was a guy in my dream and school had already restarted. Me and a buddy of mine and a teacher stayed after school. (My writing is getting cramped so excuse me as I hit the return button).


Anyway, my school had a morgue for some reason. And my teacher brought a bunch of dead bodies to the room. For some weird reason, we needed to chop up bodies (wow, reading Frankenstein: The Modern Prometheus [yes I'm the prick who uses the full name and yes I'm doing a parentheses thingy within a parentheses thingy. I'd say it's parenthesesception but inception actually means the start if something so then it'd be the start of a paretheses... what's the singular thing of paretheses? parenthesi? Oh my god I can't stick to one topic.] really affected me. Remember when I said reading Frankenstein affected me? Yeah I'm still on that.) ....

SO FOR A WEIRD REASON we had to chop up bodies. We were literally sawing a little dead girls skull off (not her head, 'cause we were cutting like the top of her head open, the way when you slice a tomato you cut the small end first, at least if you're slicing) and then she joined in our conversation.

She was all dirty and disgusting and was like talking with us about death and how she died... ish.

She said that she knew she had gone blind so she just became dead when grieving about her loss of sight. Then she said, "Stop that!" to the our teacher who was still sawing her head open.

I was like, "But you're disgusting and dead."

And she took the morgue garbage bag off the rest of her body and suddenly became this beautiful blonde woman with red lips and she was red carpet ready, like for real, her dress was bright white. The only weird thing is how she was blind. Oh, and at first she could see, but she went blind when she told the story about how she was blind. Dream logic.

So in a split second, she was my love interest (remember, in this dream, I'm a guy) and we were like minorly in love.

So a different woman walks in the class room (did I mention that around the blind woman, a red carpet appeared and those velvet ropes?) and you can tell she's in control and has been in control of us.

We have to murder people for her or something and until we do, she will keep my love interest, the blind woman (at one point in the dream I thought to myself "too bad she can't see, since I'm fucking beautiful. well she can feel my face and then she'll realize what a lucky gal she is"), captive.

so we left the room and the blind woman said some powerful words that I can't remember (in my memory, her lips are moving but there's no sound since I forgot).

Me and my buddy were like, "We can't murder for these guys," Only it wasn't about the concept of murdering people -- it was that we didn't control who we murdered. Like, what the fuck? I have to kill people YOU want me to kill? Hell no. I'm killing that cat or the little girl with blue ribbons in her hair. Not that one guy with the striped shirt that you want dead. No fucking way. N to the O. NO.

Speaking of cat, we planned a scheme where we would go to the basement door of our crime boss (who was in cohorts with the woman who kicked us out of the classroom) and we'd... be cats.


i don't know how the hell this was supposed to help our situation. But we did it, we went to his door and we told each other, "think cat".

So we like pawed at the door and we meowed and somehow, even though we looked like people, we were also cats. We were both. Somehow. I swear, dreams have like a fourth and/or fifth dimension.


(The last time I got high with Sam, I swear I understood the fourth dimension. It had it's own language and it was asian.... it was creepy.... BTW I'm not a frequent smoker or anything so I'm safe)


That;s where my dream ended. I don't think our crime boss was convinced.


Now that I think about it, I think it was supposed to work like when Harry and Ron drank polyjuice potion to sneak into the Slytherin lounge place (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets). We were gonna be the crime boss's cats and sneak in and destroy some evidence that let him blackmail us.

OK THIS IS WHERE I END THE ENTRY SINCE IT'S KIND OF HALFWAY AND I WAS ALSO ABOUT TO DELVE INTO ANOTHER TOPIC.

Note to future self: Write an entry about how you realize randomly that you know how to use words correctly that you're not exactly sure the meaning of. Like delve. I know how to use it and somehow I know what it's supposed to mean, but my brain has no idea how the word got there and if it actually means what I think it does and did I use it correctly? If so, how did that happen? Yeah.


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