Experienced Life
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2014-04-08 00:57:14 (UTC)

Same sleepless night

Yes, like many others, I can't sleep. It's almost 2AM here in CA. I have a long day at work tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. Not looking forward to sleep. What to do and where to go? I don't even know. What a waste of life. Others are saving the world. I'm just here

Today at lunch, my friend at work told me he knew what happened. I didn't tell people at work that I took the kids back because I didn't want them to get upset at me. They remember me the first time when I was a vegetable. I just sat in my cubicle for a month or two. I really mean literally sit there and stress out. They knew how I was such a wreck. They knew I was non-functional to do any work. They did their work and covered for me too. This was way back in 2009 I think. Today, my friend at work told me he knew. I guess they all knew that the kiddos left again.

I drink but it doesn't make me sleepy. I've started taking pills to help me sleep. Some nighttime headache relieving medicine that makes you sleepy too. That seems to be the only way I can get some rest for now.

My soul is so tired. How many people say this? I know one friend-of-a-friend that felt it. She isn't here anymore. After she did what she did, she was brain dead and later, the parents had to make the decision of pulling the plug. People are sometimes so afraid of dying. They have yet to fulfill their dreams. For me, I'm done. I know the shit that is happening is very much my fault too. I picked the woman. I stayed with the woman. All by my choosing. Now I deal with the consequences. But it doesn't mean I can't complain about being tired.

I hope to God tomorrow or in the morning, life will change for me. Well, pills are starting to take effect. Goodbye for now diary :)

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