Experienced Life
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2014-03-25 22:02:58 (UTC)

Lost the kiddos again

It's been so long since I last posted. New laptop but still the same old bullshit from the ex. I had the kids for awhile. I think from Sept 2013 till two Mondays ago. I'm used to this. Ex going nuts about something and she takes off to go back to Nevada with her Mom. I'm sure this is the same crap I used to post for years now. Now I'm used to it and can't even let out a scream.

My friends and I guessed that the ex would change her mind again after 6 months. Well, this time the kids stayed with me for 6 and 1/2 months. Pretty good estimate. I've dealt with this before so I knew this is what would've and did happen. I didn't really have a choice. Any time is better than no time with the kids. They need my guidance and help. I tried but now the ex is doing her thing again and just split.

I noticed they were gone again the same old way. They split while I'm at work. Just trying to make a living so the kids can have a better life. Instead, I come home, open the garage door and have a sickening feeling when I see the kiddos bikes are gone. Walking in to the house and I see it's the same old ransacking.

I thought I could handle this but I forgot the my dreams are things I can't control so I've been having bad dreams and it just makes me depressed. I feel so sorry for the kids. We had our suspicions that they were going again. We did get to talk. We let each other know that we loved each other and that if they decided and if they had a choice, they could live with me. I don't need anything from the ex, I could take care of them without any help from her.

It sucks big time when a certain someone just forces you to change your life goals. I was all for the kids and now that they're gone, I'm a little lost. Damn!!! I wanted to leave this life being able to say I did some good for someone other than just for me. I guess I can't even do that now.

So what do I do now? Post here in hopes one day, I can look back and be at peace with myself without all the drama.

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