Life Goes Up And Down
2014-03-24 01:43:36 (UTC)

What was lost has been found

Have you ever been so emotionally hurt that you want to die? Have you ever had all your dreams crushed? You're life turned upside down? Has it ever been because of love? I was hurt. I was betrayed, and I let him squish me like a bug. I was so low that I lost faith in love. I didn't think that love existed anymore. I came to believe that it was just about sex. People like pleasuring themselves, no matter the damage to others. You just fall into a place of darkness. You can't trust the people around you. You become so low that the thought of death seems like paradise. It's true. You feel like you can't breathe, like you're drowning. You think no one can save you, and you don't want them to.
But then, one day, you meet someone, someone different. You're not used to meeting people like him. You become fascinated by his thoughts and by who he is. You become friends with him. You can't figure out why he's seems so special. Part of you doesn't want him to be special...but the other part knows that he is. You think it's just because you've met him recently. Then, as you're sitting next to him eating a sandwich and watching a movie, you recognize it. A warmth in the chest, a flutter in the stomach, and a lean towards his body as relaxation sets in.
Then the anxiety comes. You mentally argue that you can't trust him. You try to stay away from him. Because of this, you lose him. The pain of losing him isn't as bad because you kept away, grew distant.
Time goes by, and you realize something. He had changed you. He gave you something you had lost. He gave you hope. He gave the hope of having love, the hope of finding someone. You hate him for it. But you don't hate him. You can't. You loved him, but now he's gone. You can't have him, so you thank him for reminding you of what it felt like to be loved and to have hope.
I now have that hope, and I search for that love. Honestly, I don't know if I will find it again. But if I do, I won't let it go.