Dinoraur.

Reality.
2014-03-23 14:15:35 (UTC)

Bed.

Yesterday I weighed myself again. 98 pounds. I weighed myself again this morning. 101 pounds.
Darn you Mc. Donald's.
Still. A lot less than I thought I would be. I can't complain I guess. I liked seeing 98 though.
I'm trying so hard to sleep. Instead of staying on the couch last night, like usual, I went up to my bedroom here at my grandma's. I slept in the bed. For some odd reason, I hate it up there. I can't give you a reason. I don't know. I just hate going up there to sleep. I always sleep in the living room on the couch. But I figured, maybe a bed would help me sleep. I was already trying to sleep for two hours on the couch with no luck. I went upstairs, and lied down. It took about two hours to fall asleep. I kept getting mini anxiety attacks, because I was afraid to fall asleep. I couldn't get comfortable. I was tossing and turning the whole time. I was hot. I just wanted sleep. I eventually fell asleep, and woke up a few hours later, scared. I had to wake up to make sure everything was okay. After that, I continued to nod off for a half hour or so, and then wake up. I'm still exhausted. I need more sleep. But I need to be up now. I spent all yesterday lying down doing nothing. I also think my grandma and I are going to my uncle's today, so I need to be up and ready. I really don't want to go. I love my uncle more than anything, but I'm not in the mood to drive that far. I'm not in the mood to be around people. I'm too spaced out still. I'll have to put all the freaking boxes we need to give my uncle in the van for my grandma. I hate doing that. I don't want to. I hope she bails. I don't want to go.
I'm starting to get hungry again. But with the Mc. Donald's I had last night, I don't need breakfast. Plus, I just brushed my teeth.
Ooooh! I forgot to mention this. I'm not sure how I forgot, but. Tuesday, I got a message from Mike. I love him. I love him so much. He was my dad's BEST friend. Mike was over just about every weekend. I always got to see Mike. He made me laugh. He was fun to have a conversation with. He made my dad happy. He was good company for my dad. I love Mike. He gave me his coat when I got cold. He talked to me. He's also the one who found my dad dead. He went over to my dad's house to see him, as usual. My dad asked him to take the dogs out for him quick, so Mike did. When Mike came back in the house, well. My dad was dead. He called my grandma. Grandma told him to call the police, and she would be there soon.
He was there for me. I feel such sadness for him. Not long after my dad died, his dad died. Mike then had so so so many medical problems. His wife has left him.
Poor guy.. He out of all people didn't deserve all that. I haven't seen him in three years, and with all these medical problems he has had, we've hardly kept in contact. I really want to paste out conversation on here, but I'm not sure if I should. He likes to rant, and without knowing him personally, you may find what he says odd. Oh screw it. I'm going to post the conversation.
He messaged me Tuesday night saying, "Hey lady! I havent been around....I had a medication give me kidney failure, hospital for 2-wks. Then I get frostbite on my right hand. Almost lost 3-fingertips! how are you? I miss you!!"
I replied Wednesday morning, "Oh my goodness! If it isn't one thing, it's another! I'm doing okay. Not much to complain about. I miss you sosososo much Mike!"
He sent me a message Saturday morning, "Hi Dear! How are you doing? I had to check and make sure I had the correct name in when I saw that sexy pic......man, time flies Sweetheart, the pic I sent you is me at age 15-16, promise me you'll live life to the fullest, travel, don't settle down until your 30 at least, keep playing the field until then! That doesn't sound so hard right? Say yes! Doesn't mean staying stoned all the time is living life, that's not livin! Here is where you say yes, I knew that Mike! Good sweet one, glad we're on the same page, makes me feel sooo good!!!! Moderation is the key to everything in life! I can see you nodding in agreement, good! Course, my motto was "EVERYTHING, EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE, IN MODERATION" but I didnt have the sense sometimes to know if it were too little or too much!!! Usually the former!! Honey, you do know you can talk to me about absolutely ANYTHING, right??? Please promise me that you'll never put a lie or a guy between us??!!?? Took me a while to get the oldest of my 2-Daughters to open up, now she actually thinks its "cool" to talk to me and brags about it to her friends, you are my second Daughter, please just talk to me, OK.?? I do not care what time of night it is, DO NOT RIDE W/ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN DRINKING, I promise to you I will come get you!! I'll take you wherever, and above ALL, I will not pass judgment on you. That goes for any/all topics, conversations, whatever is said stays with me. That I promise!! I want to call soon, but was embarrassed to ask for your # again (honestly, lost my phone) swear!"
Lol. He's so crazy. I can imagine the way he would say that. He's so freeing.
I replied an hour later, "Hey there Mike. Boy oh boy do I miss you. I am at grandma's right now. If you would like to call me later today, my number is --------. I love you. A lot. You mean so much to me. It's a bummer I haven't seen you since my dad died. We need to find a time to see each other. When I'm at grandma's that is. My parents are too big of idiotic freaks to let me do anything.. But, life is okay. It's so very stressful, but it's okay. And, yes Mike. I promise. I'll talk to you about anything. You can tell me anything as well. People don't understand how matured I really am for being fifteen. How is life? How are you? I feel like we don't know anything about each other anymore. And that sucks. It's been three years. You're very important. We need to try and talk/text/message each other more. We need to catch up on everything. Grandma asks about you sometimes. She misses you. Wait until I tell her you have messaged me!!! I'm glad I have you to talk to though. I need someone. My parents are so screwed up and strict, I can't even tell them a cool story about something a friend and I laughed about, without getting judged. Gah. We need to catch up. There is so much to be said. I love you."
I wish I would have replied saying something better. But, I had just woken up.. I was sleepy. Haha. Anyhoo, I miss him. He has yet to reply. If he would have replied back to me that day, and we could have kept a conversation, I would have seen if he could stop by at my grandma's. I really want to see him. Three years is too long. I know my grandma misses him. He was always there for my dad, my grandma, and me. He's an amazing guy.
Anyhoo, I'm not sure what more to say. I could tell many stories about him, sure. But I don't feel like it.

I love you TSGS. Forever and always.




Ad: