z2smith

z2Smith
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2014-02-23 21:19:36 (UTC)

Fasting

I start a 3 day fast today. So will only take liquid stuff for 3 days. This is just so that I can show God I want to try and be with him.

You will be amazed at what u can classify as liquid when you are starving!

Seriously though, I hope it is the beginning of the life I want to live, the live I know I am supposed to live. Life dedicated to achieving my destiny. I wouldn’t be scarred of attaining great heights. Yet be humble and serve. I am so excited about my future even though frustrated by the part of it where I am relying on people. The more I put my destiny into my own hands the better for me.


The more I listen to the sermons , the more things begin to make sense in my life.

I always thought I had something inside me that makes me feel unfulfilled – this I now know is my destiny that I am yet to attain

I always questioned why I am here….what is the purpose of my life – I know I have to attain my destiny to then begin the real work, that is, to be a helper, to improve….

Quite clearly it is so important to me that my cousin gets back to me…the more I wait the more I get agitated but paradoxically the more I realise it is the will of God. If my cousin gets back to me positively my whole life will change. I will move to a different country, leave my children at home, leave my job etc. Have I prayed about it? Have I gone to God about it? Have I fasted? I plan to fast and pray from tomorrow for 3 days!

Financially I have no money to my name, absolutely broke! Unfortunately that is where I am, I still have to pay the bills as she has decided not to help even though I earned no income in January. It is small beer. I focus on the big things…..

It’s getting to the stage though that I can’t bear to be in the same room as she is in. I hate hearing her voice and I can’t remember the last time I looked at her. I hope all these negative feelings go away with time. After all she is the mother of the kids I love so much. I believe when we do start to live apart (with time) the relationship will improve but I am not going to give her an inch. She has crossed the red line as far as I am concerned. She will have to fight hard for anything she is going to get including the children.

I miss my family unit. I miss coming home to see my wife and kids sleeping and feeling like a man. I miss sleeping next to her and my hand inside her panties holding her bum. Its mad I kno but I mis that.

I am struggling as usual financially yet she is splashing the cash on a car while I cant pay the bills and she has refused to help out. What goes around will come around.


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