The more I listen to the sermons , the more things begin to make sense in my life.
I always thought I had something inside me that makes me feel unfulfilled – this I now know is my destiny that I am yet to attain
I always questioned why I am here….what is the purpose of my life – I know I have to attain my destiny to then begin the real work, that is, to be a helper, to improve….
Quite clearly it is so important to me that my cousin gets back to me…the more I wait the more I get agitated but paradoxically the more I realise it is the will of God. If my cousin gets back to me positively my whole life will change. I will move to a different country, leave my children at home, leave my job etc. Have I prayed about it? Have I gone to God about it? Have I fasted? I plan to fast and pray from tomorrow for 3 days!
Financially I have no money to my name, absolutely broke! Unfortunately that is where I am, I still have to pay the bills as she has decided not to help even though I earned no income in January. It is small beer. I focus on the big things…..
It’s getting to the stage though that I can’t bear to be in the same room as she is in. I hate hearing her voice and I can’t remember the last time I looked at her. I hope all these negative feelings go away with time. After all she is the mother of the kids I love so much. I believe when we do start to live apart (with time) the relationship will improve but I am not going to give her an inch. She has crossed the red line as far as I am concerned. She will have to fight hard for anything she is going to get including the children.