Vanilla

Feel sorry for myself.

I actually feel sorry for myself. I really do, I look back at everything that has happened to me and everything that I have gone through. Just wow, what a wreck. If this was someone elses diary and I was reading it I would think what a poor unfortunate little girl, nothing is going right for her. Shes been fuked over so many times.

Will it ever get better?...I need to feel something over V. Im so used to feeling, obssesing even, Its actually worse feeling let down/cold/de-attached because it ultimately is a lonley feeling. Realistically no human being can shut down their feelings completely so when people are cold/distant/dont care anymore this is what they feel..empty in a way but not a hole that you cry over, just a misty nothingness. So feeling cold is just FREEZING COLD.

Why V. Why couldnt you be that guy?..

...Now we are here again...after that 1 incident it has all ended again..we were never destined to be. I wasnt ever destined to be happy with someone..

...just have to focus on my career which by the way is at a dead end right now thanks to my ex ceo who also fuked me over. TYPICAL.

Every single man has fuked me over wether its a fuking job or a fuking relationship. This is why there are no decent human beings inthe world left. As fas as im concerned I was a genuinely nice person, I cared for people, always was there for them, I dont ask for things in return im just there and I dont mind but after getting hurt/used/abused/insulted and humiliated by certain people like seriously you have to grow the fuk up and just change. No faith in humanity- wont ever have faith in humanity, good thing thats installed in me. However it would be nice to not be used to the feeling of being let down continously. I wander what my ceo is doing now...wander if he has once thought about me after all of that....I hope one day he regrets what he did.

V...I hope you regret too...you knew how badly I was treated by M...lol no humanity at all. Poor old me.