Vanilla

Valentine's day

Year 2 still single and dont plan to change that. I'm seeing v today we had to cancel the shard. I've made a slight decision that after today I need to cut him out...I need to cut out any reminders of my past if I van be my present self. Sacrifices had to be made this is one of them. I know I can't have it all nor do I intend on pushing my luck. I don't have the luxury anymore of getting heartbroken and moping around like a fool especially not over v all over again. Have another interview today and I look like shit. I need this situation and this moment to change I need a stable job. A stable life. One of the things about being me is the level of unpredictability that I could easily go either way fail into nothingness or be someone great. Someone amazing.

I've cut my emotions in general. I guess experiences and growing up changes you.

One of the biggest thing I learnt this year is the difference between need and want. I stopped needing anyone or anything. Before, having v or m was a basic need I needed love for me to survive seeing as it's a basic human need and I don't think I'm pathetic anymore. I was just unfortunate to never have it that I had to try get it elsewhere. But then when you go long enough without it you stop craving it...makes you less human I guess in a way.
Want however is a different thing. Where need is the thing that makes you live you depend on it you need it to breath survive etc. Want is the drive, the ambition to getting what you desire but in no case isit a dependancy. Need is dependancy. Want is independent.

So happy Valentine's day to me.