z2smith

z2Smith
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2014-02-13 08:03:33 (UTC)

Ramblings...

I am getting agitated and frustrated!

I need my cousin to get back to me with the final go ahead but nothing from him. My whole life hinges on this. I have mentally matured in my current environment and need a new challenge. I just see my present situation can only continue for the next 6 months after that I move to go and start running all this different business operations.

The impasse from my cousin is affecting the speed of development of other projects as I have no motivation. I am really apprehensive about the whole thing. All the documentation I need to read to enable me do my current job very well feels like a chore. I am just not interested in this kind of job any more but I have to endure for 6 months. I hope to see it through. The happiest day of my life would be when my cousin gets back to me with the go ahead. That means I can finally fly the nest and leave the shadow of that woman. I believe leaving apart would be good for our long term relationship if just for the sake of the children. This would bring mutual respect and hopefully stop all this antagonism. At the moment she is requesting I leave the house or she will get a eviction order as she no longer feels safe and she worries about the safety of the children. That is just poor from her but I am playing the same game as well. I have told her solicitors that I will also request an her eviction as her behaviour is increasingly erratic and I am worried she may do something damaging.

Every day I put my problems into perspective. I read the story of Amanda Staveley and how she managed to succeed not once but twice and her determination to overcome her obstacles. She now has a degenerating disease but still working hard instead of sitting down somewhere feeling sorry for herself. She inspires me. This whole divorce thing is getting normal in my head and this can only be a good thing as I need to get back to normality. I am not sure if I can trust again though. We shall see. I have been really spooked by the time I spent in police cell. How can a woman I loved deeply want to destroy my life and send me to jail? I still don’t think I have completely rationalised that. Time will tell.

One thing that struck me, after sharing my experiences with other people especially women is the regularity of domestic violence. 1 in 2 of the women I spoke to have been at the receiving end of appalling domestic violence and more scary is that they didn’t file charges against their partners. That is quite unbelievable. I did not realise that domestic violence was that rampant and not reported. I guess that is why there’re is zero tolerance on this and rightly so.

Because I did not work in January my finances are all over the place in February and I am in a dire situation. I hope things get better very soon.


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