Blood in the Breeze
"I See Fire" by Ed Sheeran (and other people, i think)
February 12, 2014 Wednesday 6:03 PM
I think I might go cut again. I only have three cuts on my wrists but they bled sufficently. which was satisfying but at the sAME TIME..... it wasn't enough.
My brain hurts. My feels rolled over the alone-ness and now I'm thinking about Jason and I don't like it.
I decided I feel bad for him. I've been talking to Laney and she does too. She forgot about his feelings and it just...
I remember Aaron said when she confronted him he kinda looked down and when she pushed him, he walked away and that just sounds strangely depressing.
I saw him and maybe it was my imagination which was superdepressed, but he looked sad and when I saw him at the end of the day, I think he was avoiding people.
I want to ask him if he's okay but I know I won't. I really want to. But I won't.
i don't want a relationship. I don't even want friendship. I'm just anxious and worried and...
I kinda wish I were dead so I could stop feeling this.
This isn't good.
I'm going to be okay though... I can make it through this by myself.
Ah, nevermind. I decided. I'm not needed. Anywhere. Lol. I guess I'll just sit with myself and watch the Walking Dead. Some Breaking Bad later. Ehhhhh.
I hate feeling sorry for myself its sooooo annoying. I'm starting to feel better. I feel like I'm crawling out of the pit, a little.
Still ever so alone. Still gonna cut some more (what can I say, it's fun it's beautiful it's so terrible for me but thats kinda why I smoke weed sometimes too its why I smoked cigarettes when I could and it's why I love alcohol.)
I'm a fucking teenager. Who says I have to be healthy?