Vanilla

seeing v again

I only come back here when well we know why. When I get schitzo and start over thinking things. So I've been seeing v. Yes the guy I went mental over a few years ago. We were linking as friends for the past 2 months or so and all was good.Until 2 nights ago we got drunk and made out. He asked me out I said no. Because I'm scared I like him which I do now. And here we are again where I like him and I want him obviously more than he wants me which is always the case. It drives me insane. I don't know what to do I can't tell anyone because it's stupid and I'm scaring myself even more I definitely can't tell him. Im scared to even take it slow because look at me I'm already going nuts. And I havnt even done anything. I can't do this again but it's like the minute I spent that night with him all those feelings I once had came rushing through. The care, the want how much I went through, the heartache, the pain, tears...him. all for this. Really? So yes all I need is advice on going no to not feeling and over thinking. I need a pass time...

ok this is my chance to do things differently. To be stronger. To actually not care. Cannot fall for this again. Will not fall.