kiddo16

NaivetY & ChildhooD LefT BehinD
2014-02-06 22:39:27 (UTC)

Resonating words

Just watched a Korean drama just now. In the drama, the lead actor said something that totally resonates throughout me. He said about how his heart is in confusion..how it will feel like to have someone waiting for you at home..how it feels like to have someone eating with you on the dining table..how it feels like to have someone to talk to when no one else listens..how it feels like to be cared for. All of these.. I guess I could never get to feel it. Just thinking about it makes the heart warmth. Imagine going through it for real...I guess that's total happiness. I remembered my teacher told me that if there's no one to talk to, I can talk to God. He's ever-listening. And if I want a response, I'll just have to read the holy book and I'll get to hear him 'talk'. Yes it does work. Whatever feeling you have, sad or happy, after doing so..the heart felt calmer. But even so, I find something is missing. I'm sorry God that I have to say this. You are all mighty and I'm not saying you are insufficient. You are the greatest to be able to calm this heart of mine. But I guess I'm just human. I need you... I also need the human touch. I lack it do much when I was younger. Now when I'm older, I don't even have that human touch. Every single day I meet a lot of people but none provide me the human touch. All has got their own lives to live. Just like much 'bestfriend' for instance. We are supposed to be close but she can't even have the time to provide the human touch. She even forgot my birthday. Dear God, I'm just lonely. I've got no one to talk to but you. When I have tears flowing down my cheeks, it just flow down without any hands to dry those cheeks. When I have troubles or facing problems and I worry so much, no one is ready to listen. When I have happy news... good news, no one is there that I can share with. I end up crying on my own when I'm sad. I end up smiling to myself when I'm happy. I'm really lonely Dear God. I realised today that the possibility that no one looks my way was extremely high today. I stood beside a colleague of mine. She talks, stand, behaves and whatever beautifully. While I stood beside her, I looked so ugly...inside and on appearance. I don't even have half of the package. Thinking about it, just makes me depressed. I envy her so much. And I guess all those feelings mentioned by the actor from the drama is something that's never within my reach. The most I could do is to dream about it. Hope is no longer there... better not hope so that I'll feel less disappointed. Can it be so? Well on 14 Feb, I've just scheduled my meetings back to back. I really hope like what happened last time that I forgets what that day meant to me.




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