Unabashedly Me
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2014-02-04 22:13:00 (UTC)

Me, the Mongrel?

So my Dad was born and raised in South Carolina. He's a very traditional man by nature but, fueled by his conditioning as a child, he's applies this to reason his prejudices. I have heard various racial, religious, etc. slurs come out of his mouth at the smallest opportunity. Fags, wet backs, commie pigs, japs, the list goes on.

That being said, he's a very complex individual. On one hand, he can and does get along well with people who he has prejudices about (coworker whose gay, grandson who's half-Hispanic, subordinate who's a hardcore Jew). He genuinely likes them, I think. But then he turns around and says, in privacy, horrible things about their demographic that just floors me. I don't think it really computes with him what he's doing. Maybe the early lessons in bigotry were too well-ingrained. Maybe he just needs to hate someone. Either way, it's very strange to hear him say "I don't trust gay people." when he's going on a two day fishing trip with a homosexual man he's known for years!

This leads me to my newest dilemma brought on by his issues. On Sunday, we were watching the game and I was vocally 'admiring' the football players. You know the 'Oooo, pretty eyes.' 'Those arms are bigger than my head!' He turned to me suddenly and said 'Quit looking at black boys.'

...yep. My mom thankfully slapped him back with a very loud, very shrill "What the fuck did you just say?!" (She has a very prejudices, as most people do, but she makes an effort to accept/understand anything different than her. And she's been very determined not to let Dad's issues air out in front of the kids.) And today, he said something along the lines of 'If you want to mongrelize the world, do it on your own time.' This, in and of itself, made little sense. How do you NOT do anything on your own time? I mean, come on. Maybe he really meant, after he was dead and gone. I don't know.

But that lead to more questions. Does he really see the mixing of traditional and different/new as mongrelizing the world? Does he see his grandson, half-white, half-Hispanic, as a mongrel? What about his daughter who married out of her race/religion? It makes very little sense in my mind. What he says and believes and what he does just won't mesh when he looks at it too hard. It kind of worries me. Will this same paradoxical behavior be thrown at me when/if I deviate from the 'traditional route' (as it was my sister and her son) or will he straight out not accept me?

What will he do if:

I turn homosexual or bisexual or (for the love of God) transsexual? (That vein in his neck might just pop)

I marry outside my religious circle? He thinks I'm Lutheran still...shhhh. Don't tell him and give him an aneurism. Buddhists and Pagans and Satanists, oh my!

I become involved in an interracial marriage? The way he reacts tells me a few things: he hates HATES Indians, he fears blacks, Asians are okay as long as they don't touch his family, and Hispanics are a big no-no. Apparently. (Personally, I'm highly attracted to American Indians and Somoans...pretty hair and nice size...:) )

I marry a dun-dun-dun foreigner! (cue Dracula theme song) He despises the Russians, Chinese, and Australians. Mexicans are again a no-no. Africans of any sort get his 'head-shaking' gesture. If I find myself a German, I can disown myself to save him trouble. Frenchmen beware!

You know what he expects me to find: an American, white, preferably Southern, Christian, football-loving, barbequing, blond-haired, blue-eyed, descended from Swedish immigrants (like his family is), burly, man's man.


In reality, I like the idea of foreign guys (if for no other reason than I get to learn about new ideas/cultures). I think my pale skin would look absolutely glorious against darker skin (sensual imagery, huh? wink, wink). Southern men...I'm not overly fond of how most of them see me or women in general so far. I'm an atheist and I really couldn't care less what my imaginary beau practices as long as he doesn't expect me to be involved or antagonize me about my lack of practice. I HATE FOOTBALL. Seriously, the only way I get through a football game is by appreciating the players...I think I'm a voyeur... B-B-Q is all well and good but, eh, it's not a deciding factor or anything. Blond hair is vastly overrated. Blue eyes are pretty but, again, not favorable over any other color. The Swedish get all my respect but they do not monopolize my potential mate choosing pool (ignore the nonsensical quality of that sentence...). Burly is nice but I've met some really awesome string-bean shaped men. Man's man = lumberjack, pain-numbed man that eat nails for breakfast! I like the whole appeal. Don't get me wrong! But I'd take a sensitive guy any day over a man with the emotional density of a shoe. (Maybe that's why I have an unusual knack for finding homosexual men. Then I find out their homosexual and my flighty crush dies to be reborn as a friendship born on lewd commentary and, typically, debates over how I wear my hair.) Anyways, I don't have a type but I think I lean more toward bruised poet than...He-man.

My worry is simple.

If he's walking me down the aisle and a black/Hispanic/Korean/Buddhist waits at the end, will my dad see me as a mongrel from that point onward?

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